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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.14

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 14
Opinions are divided on whether individuals should accept a misfortune such as the inadequate employment or a lack of money or they have to find a way to overcome these situations. While I understand why some people support the former view, I am still in favour of the latter. People who suppose that the acceptance of the fact will be their best choice have several arguments. From their point of view, they find it hard to change acute problems because they do not have enough the effect and the power of saying to address or even alleviate such difficult situations. Junior staffs, for example, are mostly younger than senior staffs, which results in an inadequate salary although they may have the same or even larger experience. They should petition to promote their position or deal with their salary, but those people nevertheless feel better to accept their situations. One of the main reasons is that they are not confident themselves and are afraid of the unemployment and the envy of their colleagues. Furthermore, the lack of money is not a serious problem for them. They attempt to save money to afford their cost of living rather than looking for a way to earn more money. Nevertheless, I still side with those who believe human beings should strive to make their lives be better even the most difficult problems. This is due to the fact that everything may be changed to become better if there is a positive effect. This means that the problems have their own solutions; hence, individuals should find a way to get rid of such bad situations. By doing this, they will become stronger and may find out some potential abilities. Another reason to be given is that people perhaps suffer from misfortunes for a long time or even in the entire life when they do nothing to overcome their problems. Their lives no longer have happiness, which causes the fact that these people get a disgraceful and hopeless life. In conclusion, despite acknowledging why people think they would simply accept an unhappy situation, I hold the belief that they are able to get out of such problems through their real efforts.
Opinions
are divided
on whether individuals should accept a misfortune such as the inadequate employment or a lack of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money or
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a way to overcome these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. While I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the former view, I am
still
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who suppose that the acceptance of the fact will be their best choice have several arguments. From their point of view, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
acute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
the effect and the power of saying to address or even alleviate such difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. Junior staffs,
for example
, are
mostly
younger than senior staffs, which results in an inadequate salary although they may have the same or even larger experience. They should petition to promote their position or deal with their salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nevertheless
feel better to accept their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. One of the main reasons is that they are not confident themselves and are afraid of the unemployment and the envy of their colleagues.
Furthermore
, the lack of money is not a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for them. They attempt to save money to afford their cost of living
rather
than looking for a way to earn more money.

Nevertheless
, I
still
side with those who believe human beings should strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
be better even the most difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This is due to the fact that
everything may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to become better if there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect. This means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
solutions;
hence
, individuals should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. By doing this, they will become stronger and may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential abilities. Another reason to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perhaps suffer from misfortunes for a long time or even in the entire life when they do nothing to overcome their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
no longer have happiness, which causes the fact that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a disgraceful and hopeless life.

In conclusion
, despite acknowledging why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they would
simply
accept an unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, I hold the belief that they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
through their real efforts.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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