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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1
Some people believe that if they are in terrible conditions, it's depends on their fate. On the other hand, there is a other side which is never believes that bad situation related to their fate. Such statements separate with each other like enemies. One of the sides, people who think to accept a poor position is the best way forward to go on something. These people may have not been a high vision about their life standards so they could think about just a day which, are inside. In addition to that, they could not think their future due to responsibilities. Some people have children that, have to grow up with their children and they may not make the decision about strong situations because these friends have to work whatever their conditions. We cannot criticize them so those have lots of reasons like I mentioned above. Other sides, people who believe miserable situations are not faring so they tend to believe that should to try and develop such conditions. While these people have high vision about the their future, they may not have to do something for living due to the fact that they could have belonged to what a satisfactory job. On this occasion, their responsibilities less than first side. For instance, a person who has not sibling, could be in rich family and he or she can look for opportunities for the own future in overseas as well as his/her country. If people who believe that bad situations are enough, were second side, they could be thought like these people. This team has also plenty of reasons to believe like that so we should not criticize these as well as former defender. In conclusion, although first side has reasons awful situations are acceptable, there are several reasons to support second side.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if they are in terrible conditions, it's depends on their fate.
On the other hand
, there is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
other side which is never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
related to their fate. Such statements separate with each other like enemies.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to accept a poor position is the best way forward to go on something. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have not been a high vision about their life standards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a day which, are inside.
In addition
to that, they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their future due to responsibilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have children that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
grow up with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decision about strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work whatever their conditions. We cannot criticize them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those have lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
like I mentioned above.

Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
miserable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
are not faring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that should to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
develop such conditions. While these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have high vision about
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their future" or "the future"?
the their future
, they may not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do something for living due to the fact that they could have belonged to what a satisfactory job. On this occasion, their responsibilities less than
first
side.
For instance
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has not sibling, could be in rich
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
he or she can look for opportunities for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
future in overseas
as well
as his/her country. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, were second side, they could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
like these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This team has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
like that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should not criticize these
as well
as former defender.

In conclusion
, although
first
side has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
awful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
are acceptable, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to support second side.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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