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Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations 2
Some people would just accept any dissatisfaction in their daily lives or jobs whereas others think that it would be better to overcome these situations. While accepting a bad situation seems to take less energy and effort, I believe that people will enjoy their lives better if they choose to fight these odds. One the one hand, individuals can save their own effort and energy when they choose to settle with unfavourable situations. This is because thinking about the resolutions for any problems they face could take days and nights, and this certainly brings stress and exhaustion to them. For example, many new graduates in Vietnam say that they would always choose jobs that are not related to their professions because these jobs are much easier to apply for. However, I think that being submissive to bad situations will not be beneficial to people in the long-term. On the other hand, those who take actions against their odds would have a chance to secure an enjoyable life when they succeed. This is to say, the reward after people overcome their hard time brings happiness to them and, thus, increases the satisfaction in their lives. For instance, Bill Gates used to struggle with his first project but, instead of giving up, he chose to finish it at all cost and created his company. Today, he leads a wonderful life with his family while being the richest man on earth. In my opinion, I believe that giving efforts to thrive through bad situations is better than doing nothing because it is a completely rewarding process. In conclusion, despite the fact that it is less energy-consuming when people just accept their bad situations, I believe that trying to improve these circumstances is a much better way to secure a happy life in the long-term.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accept any dissatisfaction in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
or jobs whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to overcome these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. While accepting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
seems to take less energy and effort, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
if they choose to fight these odds.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, individuals can save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
effort and energy when they choose to settle with
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
thinking about the resolutions for any problems they face could take days and nights, and this
certainly
brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and exhaustion to them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new graduates in Vietnam say that they would always choose jobs that are not related to their professions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these jobs are much easier to apply for.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being submissive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
will not be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the long-term.

On the other hand
, those who take actions against their odds would have a chance to secure an enjoyable life when they succeed. This is to say, the reward after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcome their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time brings happiness to them and,
thus
, increases the satisfaction in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, Bill Gates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to struggle with his
first
project
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
instead
of giving up, he chose to finish it at all cost and created his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, he leads a wonderful life with his family while being the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
on earth. In my opinion, I believe that giving efforts to thrive through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than doing nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a completely rewarding process.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that it is less energy-consuming when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accept their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, I believe that trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these circumstances is a much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way to secure a happy life in the long-term.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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