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People today move to new cities or new countries more than ever before. What challenges do they experience? What strategies are there to meet these challenges? v.1

People today move to new cities or new countries more than ever before. What challenges do they experience? What strategies are there to meet these challenges? v. 1
It is irrefutable that most of the world population is concentrated around big cities. Many people believe that travelling locally has become an issue in metro's. In this essay, I will discuss some of the problem associated with increasing congestion and provide some solution. First and foremost, One of the main reasons of the congestion is the underage drivers. The teenagers without driving license, drive around the town with no fear. For instance, as per the research by the government of India, it was found that 30% of students don't have their driving permit. It is because, the government employees do not take actions against them. As a solution, the authorities should be strict about implementing laws, and making people follow rules. As a result, everyone would drive with more responsibility. Secondly, the individual's should also step up to help their government, by using the public transport as much as possible. The public transit system is a great way of avoiding traffic and saving money. For example, in Chicago, you can travel from the suburbs to downtown in 40 minutes using the metro. In contrast, it takes around 90 minutes to travel the same by your own vehicle. As a consequence, we are losing money and time at the same time. I would suggest, everyone should use public transport for their daily commute, like going to work or travelling for leisure. In conclusion, despite increasing population and the traffic congestions around the world. In my opinion, as I have mentioned above, if we follow the rules and regulations in a proper manner along with using the public transportation system, whenever possible. We can deal with the traffic problem in a lot better way than we are doing now.
It is irrefutable that most of the world population
is concentrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that travelling
locally
has become an issue in metro's. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problem associated with increasing congestion and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution.

First
and foremost, One of the main reasons of the congestion is the underage drivers. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
without driving license, drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the town with no fear.
For instance
, as per the research by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India, it
was found
that 30% of students don't have their driving permit. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employees do not take actions against them. As a solution, the authorities should be strict about implementing laws, and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
As a result
, everyone would drive with more responsibility.

Secondly
, the individual's should
also
step up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, by using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport as much as possible. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transit system is a great way of avoiding traffic and saving money.
For example
, in Chicago, you can travel from the suburbs to downtown in 40 minutes using the metro.
In contrast
, it takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
90 minutes to travel the same by your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle. As a consequence, we are losing money and time at the same time. I would suggest, everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport for their daily commute, like going to work or travelling for leisure.

In conclusion
, despite increasing population and the traffic congestions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world. In my opinion, as I have mentioned above, if we follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations
Consider replacing "in a proper manner" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper manner
along with using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation system, whenever possible. We can deal with the traffic problem in a lot better way than we are doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay People today move to new cities or new countries more than ever before. What challenges do they experience? What strategies are there to meet these challenges? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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