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Now days we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help to reduce the amount of rubbish produced? v.1

Now days we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help to reduce the amount of rubbish produced? v. 1
Today, every country around the word has a common problem with increasing amount of garbage. These garbage produce in many ways and unfortunately, have bad effect on ecosystem. If governments and individuals do not try to reduce this problem, in future we have more problems. There are many reasons for increasing amount of rubbish. First of all, today, we have more population than the past. This overpopulation produces more garbage. Secondly, as we know nature can absorb all natural things such as foods, vegetables, dead body and so on. All these kind of garbage are good for nature, but today we use some material like plastic's bag and nature cannot absorb plastic. We use more and more unnatural elements. In addition, people become more consumer than the past. In the past people try to find a new way to use all old stuff, but now we just looking for new and better devices. We do not like reuse old device especially old electronic device, so just throw out them. In my opinion, government should better start to reduce rubbish. They can do it in some simple ways. One of these ways is, teach people to reduce using of unnatural material and replace them with something else. For example, we can use paper bag instead of plastic bag in supermarkets. Also they can teach people to dividing their rubbish into natural parts, bottle part and so on. Consequently, all natural material can reuse again. To sum up, in my opinion, both governments and individuals must pay more attention to reducing rubbish. Rubbish is a big treat for our ecosystem. It causes a lot of problem such as increasing some disease, increasing pollution, so we must collaborate with governments to solve this problem.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, every country around the word has a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
amount of garbage.
Did you mean "this garbage" or "These garbages"?
These garbage
produce in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
and unfortunately, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on ecosystem. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals do not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, in future we have more problems.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, we have more population than the past. This overpopulation produces more garbage.
Secondly
, as we know nature can absorb all natural things such as foods, vegetables, dead body and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. All
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of garbage are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "materials"?
material
like plastic's bag and nature cannot absorb plastic. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more and more unnatural elements.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more consumer than the past. In the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to find a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
stuff,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
looking for new and better devices. We do not like reuse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
device
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
electronic device,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
throw out them.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
. They can do it in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. One of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
is, teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
using of unnatural material and replace them with something else.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
paper bag
instead
of plastic bag in supermarkets.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Did you mean "divide"?
dividing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
into natural parts, bottle part and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
, all natural material can reuse again.

To sum up, in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay more attention to reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rubbish
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
treat for our ecosystem. It causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
collaborate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Now days we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help to reduce the amount of rubbish produced? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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