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Essay topics: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Essay topics: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 2
It is a widely held view that music, one of the greatest forms of art, is considered to be the bridge which can connect people of different nationalities and age groups. In my opinion, I agree that music is a good way to bring people together, however, I think that sports can do that in a better way. First of all, music festivals are the best example to show how music can bring humans together. Regardless of nationality or religious beliefs, if someone loves music, then he can attend them. From my own experience, I have been in a huge music celebration like this and I felt that all of us were equal and same and that the love of music brought us closer. Secondly, great bands from the past, like Rolling Stones and their influence in music still brings the older fans close to youngers. Several times I have seen in music stores old people telling stories to teenagers about concerts that they have been. This is how music is able to bring different age groups together. However, the lack of frequent music festivals and the significant decline in the quality of songs today are the main reasons that I believe that sports bring people easier close. To explain that, almost every day international sports events are happening, such as Champions League in football and etc in others, events where it can be seen that there are people from all around the world. In conclusion, both music and sports can unite people and bridge the gap between different cultures and age and are essential for our daily life.
It is a
widely
held view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, one of the greatest forms of art,
is considered
to be the bridge which can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities and age groups. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can do that in a better way.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals are the best example to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
humans together. Regardless of nationality or religious beliefs, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, then he can attend them. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, I have been in a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
celebration like this and I felt that all of us were equal and same and that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brought us closer.

Secondly
, great bands from the past, like Rolling Stones and their influence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
the older fans close to
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
. Several times I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
telling stories to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
about concerts that they have been. This is how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups together.

However
, the lack of frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals and the significant decline in the quality of songs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are the main reasons that I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier close. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that, almost every day international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are happening, such as Champions League in football
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
in others,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
where it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the world.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and bridge the gap between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and age and are essential for our daily life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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