Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

(2) Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

(2) Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1
At a very young age, children learn by imitating adults' behaviour or things around them. They are not able to distinguish between right and wrong behaviours. To help kids learn the differences, punishment is an effective way for parents and teachers. However, it is controversial that this method would negatively affect the children. In my opinion, punishment is a useful method for education as long as it does not badly affect the children physically and mentally. To begin with, corporal punishments are common punishments for children’s bad behaviours. These punishments would not help the children learn from their mistakes. In contrast, they have a negative impact on children physically and mentally. When parents hit their children, the children would feel hurt or even have scars. If this punishment frequently repeats, the children would become insensitive and miss the bond with their parents. Another example, at school, children are often forced to stand in front of the class for their mistakes, which is embarrassed and humiliated. Hence, educational punishment which does not cause physical and mental harm is more effective. If a child behaves badly, parents and teachers should gently explain how wrong the behaviour is instead of yelling at him/her or hitting him/her. To help the child learn from his/ her mistake, parents and teachers can ban the child from that bad habit or a hobby of his/hers instead. For instance, when the child uses his/ her phone for a long period of time, which negatively impacts the eyes, parents may consider punishing them by taking their phone away or controlling their pocket money, asking him/ her to do the housework for several days. At school, instead of detention, teachers should offer them social activities such as cleaning up the restrooms or school yard as punishments for their mistakes. As a result, the child would understand why he/she ought not to behave that way and change his/ her morality positively. In conclusion, punishment is essential to educate children how to differentiate between good and bad things. However, physically and mentally harmful punishments have to be avoided. Constructive punishments are recommended, instead.
At a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
by imitating adults'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or things around them. They are not able to distinguish between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the differences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is an effective way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
However
, it is controversial that this method would
negatively
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a useful method for education as long as it does not
badly
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physically
and mentally.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
.
In contrast
, they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physically
and mentally. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
hit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would feel hurt or even have scars. If this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
frequently
repeats, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become insensitive and miss the bond with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Another example, at school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forced to stand in front of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
, which
is embarrassed
and humiliated.

Hence
, educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
which does not cause physical and mental harm is more effective. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
behaves
badly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should
gently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
instead
of yelling at him/her or hitting him/her. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from his/ her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistake
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
from that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit or a hobby of his/hers
instead
.
For instance
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
his/ her phone for a long period of time, which
negatively
impacts the eyes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may consider punishing them by taking their phone away or controlling their pocket money, asking him/ her to do the housework for several days. At school,
instead
of detention,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should offer them social activities such as cleaning up the restrooms or school yard as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
would understand why he/she ought not to behave that way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his/ her morality
positively
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is essential to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to differentiate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.
However
,
physically
and mentally harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be avoided
. Constructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are recommended
,
instead
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay (2) Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts