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The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers v.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers v. 5
The first chart compares the percentage of reason for which students decide to study. The highest proportion, in terms of study for career, is attributed to those at the age under 26. The chart also shows that the older the students, the lower the percentage of reason for study for study for career. Those at the age over 49 are the lowest, a mere 20%. In contrast, the highest percentage of reason for study due to interest is most witnessed by those at the age over 49, just under 70%. Unlike the former description, the trend of study for interest, the latter, is most witnessed by the younger students. The younger the students, the lower the percentage of their interest for study. The lowest proportion is put to those at the age under 26, around 10%. The second chart illustrates the support of employer for employees according to age group. Those at the age under 26 become the ones whom employer highly favors, approximately 60%. This is fallowed by support for those at the age 26-29, about 50%. Employees at the age over 49 stand at the third highest employer support, around 40%. Two age groups, 40-49 and 30-39, constitute the lowest percentage, about 35% and 32%, respectively. Overall, age of students give impacts on reason for which students study, whether for career or for interest. On the other hand, the percentage of those at the age over 49 is more significant than that of those at the age 30-39.
The
first
chart compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The highest proportion, in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for career,
is attributed
to those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
under 26.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
chart
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the older the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the lower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for career. Those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49 are the lowest, a mere 20%.
In contrast
, the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
is most witnessed by those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 70%. Unlike the former description, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
, the latter, is most witnessed by the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The younger the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the lower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The lowest proportion
is put
to those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
under 26, around 10%.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second chart illustrates the support of employer for employees according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group. Those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
under 26 become the ones whom employer
highly
favors, approximately 60%. This
is fallowed
by support for those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
26-29, about 50%. Employees at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49
Possible agreement error. The noun 'stand' seems to be countable, so consider using: "stands".
stand
at the third highest employer support, around 40%. Two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups, 40-49 and 30-39, constitute the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, about 35% and 32%,
respectively
.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
give impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, whether for career or for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49 is more significant than that of those at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
30-39.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers v. 5

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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