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The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they receive from employers. v.4

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they receive from employers. v. 4
The charts depict why students at different ages study and also give information about the support (time off or financial aid) they receive from their employers. Overall, it is evident that young people (under 40 years) study because of their career prospects while the majority of older people study because of their interest. With regard to motivations, the majority of people under 40 years study in order to promote their career, although this attitude varies depending on the age of polled people. To start with, 80% students under 26 years express that they would study because of career preparation while just 10% study for interest in subjects. In older cohorts, 70% of 26-29 years old students and 58% of 30-39 years old students say that career plays an important role, while in the group of 40-49, career and interest are similarly important. People over 49 mainly study because of interest (70%). Regarding support they receive from offices, approximately 62% of interviewees under 26 years say that they get support from their employers whereas the majority of students being older than 25 do not receive much help from their companies.
The charts depict why
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students
at
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different
ages
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study
and
also
give information about the support (time off or financial aid) they receive from their employers.

Overall
, it is evident that young
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people
(under 40 years)
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study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
prospects while the majority of older
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people
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study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their interest.

With regard to motivations, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 40 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in order to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, although this attitude varies depending on the age of polled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, 80%
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students
under 26 years express that they would
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study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
preparation while
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just
10%
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study
for interest in subjects. In older cohorts, 70% of 26-29 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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students
and 58% of 30-39 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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students
say that
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career
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role, while in the group of 40-49,
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career
and interest are
similarly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
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People
over 49
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of interest (70%).

Regarding
The comma is probably missing here: "support, they".
support they
receive from offices, approximately 62% of interviewees under 26 years say that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from their employers whereas the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
being older than 25 do not receive much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they receive from employers. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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