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Some people believe that it s good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and giv v.1

Some people believe that it s good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. 1
Number of Individuals are more content with living their whole life in the same area, whereas, others prefer to change their habitat over their lifetime. In my essay, I will share my views on both before I share my viewpoint. To begin with, commuting to a different space can help in increasing the perspective of an individual. People when they explore another area, they are exposed to another culture and other surrounding, which can help them to build a new outlook and also have different experiences. It helps in the overall development of an individual. In addition, when an individual commutes to another place he is also able to explore a vast range of professional opportunities, helping in the overall economic growth of the individual. For example, the hub of the major IT house is in South India, hence the demand of the IT professionals is more in the south part of India as compared to the northern region. Finally, people need to have a change. If people do not commute, they end up living a monotonous life, which can affect their mental and physical well-being. On the other hand, people living in the same area can build stronger bonds towards their community and neighbours. People who have lived in the same place for long, develop a social responsibility towards their society, which helps in the overall development of the community. Along with the society the people also develop a closer bond with their family, as they live together all their life. In conclusion, it is true that when people live in the same place for long they build develop a responsibility towards the society. In my view, for the overall development of an individual it is important for him to explore and experience different cultures and surroundings.
Number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
are more content with living their whole life in the same area, whereas, others prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habitat over their lifetime. In my essay, I will share my views on both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I share my viewpoint.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, commuting to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
space can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in increasing the perspective of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
when they explore another area, they
are exposed
to another culture and other surrounding, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to build a new outlook and
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiences. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
development of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
In addition
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
commutes to another place he is
also
able to explore a vast range of professional opportunities, helping in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
economic growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
For example
, the hub of the major IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is in South India,
hence
the demand of the IT professionals is more in the south part of India as compared to the northern region.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not commute, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up living a monotonous life, which can affect their mental and physical well-being.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the same area can build stronger bonds towards their community and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the same place for long, develop a social responsibility towards their society, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
development of the community. Along with the society the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
develop a closer bond with their family, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together all their life.

In conclusion
, it is true that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same place for long they build develop a responsibility towards the society. In my view, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
development of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for him to explore and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and surroundings.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it s good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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