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Some people believe that it is good to share information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v.1

Some people believe that it is good to share information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 1
Although, there is no doubt that research and development is the key to the future, it is important to consider, the outcome of sharing the information. Some people believe that scientific exploration should not be transmitted around the world without restrain. I support the statement that it is viable to share facts with others, especially medical data. On one hand, people who advocate the restriction of freely shared data may argue that the precise study could be misused for heinous acts. This is because, the fragility of the data, people with destructive minds could weaponised the research and cause damage to the economy and peace of nations. For example, Nuclear power, which is mostly acquired by wealthy nations, however, sharing studies with other nations could be more life-threatening than putting it into good use like energy creation. In contrast, if such highly vulnerable data kept as secret, there would no more threats to worry about and the world could acquire peace over bad circumstances. On the other hand, I would argue that humanity comes first above all and research should be spread without any constraints. The latter argument which many human activists would agree that, the medical research, which is developed for certain rare medical conditions should be shared all around the globe for betterment of habitat. For instance, yellow fever, which was well known deadly plague, spread around many continents took lives and after the 100th attempts over finding cures, scientists shared it freely around the planet to help other people. If, instead, such knowledge has kept as secret or sold to certain rich countries as sake of security, world would have had faced more fatalities than ever in mankind and underdeveloped countries, would have chaotic situations of life saving drugs. In conclusion, while keeping study hidden of valuable and vital data might be feasible for peace, I believe security countermeasures can be taken and we should share research freely because it is righteous for mankind and humanity in my view, is paramount.
Although, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and development is the key to the future, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider, the outcome of sharing the information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that scientific exploration should not
be transmitted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world without restrain. I support the statement that it is viable to share facts with others,
especially
medical data.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who advocate the restriction of
freely
shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
may argue that the precise study could
be misused
for heinous acts. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the fragility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with destructive minds could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "weaponise"
weaponised
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and cause damage to the economy and peace of nations.
For example
, Nuclear power, which is
mostly
acquired by wealthy nations,
however
, sharing studies with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations could be more life-threatening than putting it into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
like energy creation.
In contrast
, if such
highly
vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as secret, there would no more threats to worry about and the world could acquire peace over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
circumstances.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I would argue that humanity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
first
above all
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
be spread
without any constraints. The latter argument which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human activists would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, the medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, which
is developed
for certain rare medical conditions should
be shared
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the globe for betterment of habitat.
For instance
, yellow fever, which was well known deadly plague, spread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
continents took
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and after the 100th attempts over finding cures, scientists shared it
freely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the planet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If,
instead
, such knowledge has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as secret or sold to certain rich countries as sake of security, world would have had faced more fatalities than ever in mankind and underdeveloped countries, would have chaotic situations of life saving drugs.

In conclusion
, while keeping study
The usual preposition for "hidden" is "from" not "of". Revise: "hidden from".
hidden of
valuable and vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
might be feasible for peace, I believe security countermeasures can be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
taken and
we should share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
freely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is righteous for mankind and humanity in my view, is paramount.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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