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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion. v.40

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 40
Many people argue that knowledge in science field, business information as well as academic one should be publicized, meanwhile, others suppose that it would be better to limit the access to the information. This essay will be discussed about this issue and I will give my opinion. On the one hand, sharing the information about science in the present time is very necessary. To begin with, when a pandemic break out, countries should share the cure or vaccines to treat patients around the world to fight the disease. If the developed countries sell drug formulation at the difficult time, it will be a financial burden for the heavily damaged countries. For example, especially the Corona disease is now out breaking from Wuhan, China, to all around the world, so sharing scientific data like vaccines or drug that can solve this disease, is essential nowadays. On the other hand, the universe and technology should be considered to spread widely because of the copyright of researchers. Initially, sharing data about the universe is not advisable due to its absolute security and validity. Besides, some technology brands are similar, but the index of the equipment used to create a product should also be kept private because it will make the differences in the market. For instance, Apple, which is the company, owns its operating system to create a unique technology market unlike the spaciousness of Android. To sum up, although sharing is a good way to develop all the countries at the same time, going out the data in some fields is unnecessary due to its copyright.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that knowledge in science field, business information
as well
as academic one should
be publicized
, meanwhile, others suppose that it would be better to limit the access to the information. This essay will be
Did you mean simply "discussed this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about this
issue and I will give my opinion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
the information about science in the present time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when a pandemic break out,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should share the cure or vaccines to treat patients around the world to fight the disease. If the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
sell drug formulation at the difficult time, it will be a financial burden for the
heavily
damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
,
especially
the Corona disease is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
out breaking from Wuhan, China, to all around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
scientific data like vaccines or drug that can solve this disease, is essential nowadays.

On the other hand
, the universe and technology should
be considered
to spread
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the copyright of researchers.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
data about the universe is not advisable due to its absolute security and validity.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technology brands are similar,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the index of the equipment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to create a product should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
private
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the differences in the market.
For instance
, Apple, which is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
its operating system to create a unique technology market unlike the spaciousness of Android.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to develop all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
at the same time, going out the data in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields is unnecessary due to its copyright.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 40

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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