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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 4
While some suggest that people should exchange information as much as possible in education, commerce, and science, others claim that the data is too crucial to be offered without any cost. While I think the latter point of view has some valid points, I firmly agree with the former one. Those who think people opt not to share information freely may argue it places them at a distinct disadvantage. This is because they often put enormous amount of energy and capital into acquiring such information. Sometimes, this could cause a severe conflict of interests among stakeholders. For example, the United States has recently prohibited the multinational Chinese company Huawei to launch its 5G technology in its country, possibly worrying that it will 'steal' their citizens' personal information. Regardless of whether the government is telling the whole truth, such political move shows that each government, or individual, naturally wants to protect its property. On the other hand, I believe that it brings more benefits than drawbacks if people are willing to share valuable insights freely. Throughout history, it is only by co-operation and altruism can humankind advance and survive catastrophic accidents. Take the advent of steam engines as an example. If the scientist who invented it kept it secretive, it would be highly unlikely for us to enjoy the convenience of travelling in carriage worldwide. Although informing others freely in regards to various substantial development could be risky, we should not let fear control us. In conclusion, although some people believe that providing information at no cost could adversely impact their interest, it is my conviction that such practice's advantages outweigh its disadvantages in terms of bettering our society.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as much as possible in education, commerce, and science, others claim that the data is too crucial to
be offered
without any cost. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the latter point of view has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid points, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former one.

Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt not to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
freely
may argue it places them at a distinct disadvantage. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
put enormous amount of energy and capital into acquiring such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, this could cause a severe conflict of interests among stakeholders.
For example
, the United States has recently prohibited the multinational Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Huawei to launch its 5G technology in its country,
possibly
worrying that it will 'steal' their citizens' personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Regardless of whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is telling the whole truth, such political
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, or individual,
naturally
wants to protect its property.

On the other hand
, I believe that it brings more benefits than drawbacks if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to share valuable insights
freely
. Throughout history, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by co-operation and altruism can humankind advance and survive catastrophic accidents. Take the advent of steam engines as an example. If the scientist who invented it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
it secretive, it would be
highly
unlikely for us to enjoy the convenience of travelling in carriage worldwide. Although informing others
freely
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
various substantial development could be risky, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
fear control us.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
at no cost could
adversely
impact their interest, it is my conviction that such practice's advantages outweigh its disadvantages in terms of bettering our society.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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