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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.39

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 39
It is believed by many that information in different areas should freely spread among people; however, others believe what need control sharing information for reason importance and usefulness. Overall, in my perspective, all information is different and some dangerous, thereby countries and people that has it should consider what share for evading bad aftermaths. Firstly, a society cannot decline the fact what share information provides faster make new innovation, and help evade repeating mistakes in the same area. Moreover, disseminating knowledge among businessmen help make better strategy for resisting of bad changes that happen for various reasons. For example, the farm of one region could share data about methods to save plants when drought what will help to have better and wealthier harvest. Additionally, scientists in occasion pandemic should spread their scientific researches to help others faster find out vaccine or methods to stop it. Nevertheless, some scientists make researches in dangerous area which, if it spread, could have appalling aftermaths. For instance, the history of the last century, when one scientist look after new energy, another, when got this data, find out radiation and after dirty bomb that leads to many deaths and pollution on the examples The Chernobyl. As a result, some information should be under conscious and strict control by government. Besides, even business that on first glance has not important knowledge, if look deeply each businessmen have a small secret to succeed and created them unique among all, thereby such knowledge strongly protected and for somebody uncover it means losing a part or all income. To conclude, information is important part everybody life that can be the weapon for destructive goals or salvation. Consequently, I think each businessmen or the government in situation of data in global meanings should control the spread of information for evading misused it.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas should
freely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
;
however
, others believe what need control sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for reason importance and usefulness.
Overall
, in my perspective, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, thereby countries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that has it should consider what share for evading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aftermaths.

Firstly
, a society cannot decline the fact what share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provides faster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new innovation, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
evade repeating mistakes in the same area.
Moreover
, disseminating knowledge among businessmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better strategy for resisting of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that happen for various reasons.
For example
, the farm of one region could share data about methods to save plants when drought what will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to have better and wealthier harvest.
Additionally
, scientists in occasion pandemic should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
their scientific researches to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others faster find out vaccine or methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
researches in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
area which, if it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
, could have appalling aftermaths.
For instance
, the history of the last century, when one scientist look after new energy, another, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
this data, find out radiation and after dirty bomb that leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deaths and pollution on the examples The Chernobyl.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be under conscious and strict control by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Besides
, even business that
Did you mean "at"?
on
first
glance has not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
knowledge, if look
deeply
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "businessman"?
businessmen
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
secret to succeed and created them unique among all, thereby such knowledge
strongly
protected and for somebody
The pronoun 'somebody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "uncovers", "uncovered".
uncover
it means losing a part or all income.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part everybody life that can be the weapon for destructive goals or salvation.
Consequently
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "businessman"?
businessmen
or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in situation of data in global meanings should control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for evading misused it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 39

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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