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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and in the economic world. Others believe that sharing information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.29

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and in the economic world. Others believe that sharing information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 29
Firstly, information is very valuable in science, technology and in the real world, often times it can be mishandled or mis-communicated by anyone resulting in dangerous situations like terrorism. In the business world, information leak can make a company collapse, for example, coke has a secret recipe and when shared freely, their competitors will take advantage of it resulting in the downfall of the institution. Moreover, in the economic world, one country information is secret to the other like the USA nuclear missile program is secret to rest of the world. However, it can be possible to sell based on some restrictions. Furthermore, information when passed to wrong hands, like terrorists or protesters may result in mass destruction or bad situations like bombings. Turning on to the other side of the argument many people believe that info should be shared freely. In the scientific world, it is true that the new findings or research should be promoted because science always make people live safe. For example, when west Africa is suffering from Ebola, many doctors from other countries helped the local people with new research and medical facilities. In Addition, they believe that the governments should release facts and figures to the public to reduce corruption and to increase transparency. Finally, Internal people of business company think that they should know the all the info like their future goals helping them make career decisions. To sum up, although it looks very normal to share info, it can result in turmoil conditions regardless of individual, company or country. In the competitive world, everyone wants to win their own game. In my opinion, I believe that some information like scientific findings can be open, but anything resulting in collapse or destruction of individual or institution should not be shared.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable in science, technology and in the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
times it can
be mishandled
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis-communicated
by anyone resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations like terrorism. In the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
leak can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
collapse,
for example
, coke has a secret recipe and when shared
freely
, their competitors will take advantage of it resulting in the downfall of the institution.

Moreover
, in the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, one country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is secret to the other like the USA nuclear missile program is secret to rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
, it can be possible to sell based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
when passed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands, like terrorists or protesters may result in mass destruction or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situations like bombings.

Turning on to the other side of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that info should
be shared
freely
. In the scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, it is true that the new findings or research should
be promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
science always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
safe.
For example
, when
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
west Africa
is suffering from Ebola,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors from other countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with new research and medical facilities.
In Addition
, they believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should release facts and figures to the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
corruption and to increase transparency.
Finally
, Internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should know the all the info like their future goals helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
career decisions.

To sum up, although it looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal to share info, it can result in turmoil conditions regardless of individual,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or country. In the competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, everyone wants to win their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
game. In my opinion, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
like scientific findings can be open,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
anything resulting in collapse or destruction of individual or institution should not
be shared
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and in the economic world. Others believe that sharing information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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