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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.28

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 28
Some people claim that any type of scientific or business information should be spread among the public on maximum while others think that some data should be in secret among people in a narrow circle. I believe that in a modern world, people with equal rights should have open access to any piece of necessary and crucial information. Furthermore, keeping data confidential is only appropriate if it is a military or a state secret and not knowing such a secret do not affect ordinary people, thus any type of scientific, business or academic information should be available for all segments of the population, otherwise hiding data among a small selected group can lead to inequality in society and exclude educated and working class from a rightful informational flow. For instance, they say that some people having AIDS cannot get effective medical treatment because the cure is only available for a narrow circle of wealthy people so-called «elite». On the other hand, some information is indeed too important to share and can even be dangerous for people, thus such data should be kept in a secret or someone would use it for bad purposes. Moreover, even though the majority of ordinary people do not know how to use and imply such data there are particular groups of people, which might use it against humanity. For example, someone knows a formula of a weapon of mass destruction, however the one do not put it into practice and keeps details confidential because he knows that other people might use it in a destructive way. In conclusion, information should be accessible equally for every layer of the population not to form class distinctions and not to exclude people from knowledge, as this component is important in developing of a human being. However, due to the fact that some data can pose a threat to people’s safety it is crucial to watch for a security leak. I am convened that with dramatic previous experience and scientific curiosity people should use data carefully and equally nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that any type of scientific or business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should
be spread
among the public on maximum while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secret
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a narrow circle. I believe that in a modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with equal rights should have open access to any piece of necessary and crucial information.

Furthermore
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
confidential is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
appropriate if it is a military or a state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secret
and not knowing such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secret
do not affect ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
any type of scientific, business or academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be available for all segments of the population,
otherwise
hiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
among a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
selected group can lead to inequality in society and exclude educated and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
from a rightful informational flow.
For instance
, they say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having AIDS cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effective medical treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cure is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available for a narrow circle of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called «elite».

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
indeed
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to share and can even be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secret
or someone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
purposes.
Moreover
,
even though
the majority of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and imply such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
there are particular groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it against humanity.
For example
, someone knows a formula of a weapon of mass destruction,
however
the one do not put it into practice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
confidential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he knows that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
Consider replacing "in a destructive way" with the adverb for "destructive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a destructive way
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be accessible
equally
for every layer of the population not to form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
distinctions and not to exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from knowledge, as this component is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in developing of a human being.
However
, due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can pose a threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
safety it is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
for a security leak. I
am convened
that with dramatic previous experience and scientific curiosity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
carefully
and
equally
nowadays.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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