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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.21

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 21
In recent years data has become a treasure for business, scientific research and the academic world. There are many people who think that distributing data is better to be openly available for everyone to get. Others, argue that there are a bit valuable data that owners shouldn't hand it out freely to the public. I tend to agree with the latter view and in this essay i will discuss both sides of the views. On the one hand, those who believe sharing as much as data is favourable might argue that it helps students and researchers to enhance and surpass their knowledge. This is because it will save time for them to do the tests and academics all over the world can form communities to help each other. For example, it is quite common for students to struggle in solving an assignment. Moreover, entrepreneurs tend to create new business ideas to grow the benefit of having data accessible will save money to start up. On the other hand, my view is that sensitive data should be kept away and only authorized people can access it. The reason is it could be misused if this data got into the wrong hand and i assume discovering it wasn't quite easy. For instance, hackers can manipulate users in order to get money from them or even threaten them to expose private data. In conclusion, although sharing information is beneficial for academics, I believe important information should not be shared because it can be used in a wrong way.
In recent years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
has become a treasure for business, scientific research and the academic world. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that distributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is better to be
openly
available for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. Others, argue that there are a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
that owners shouldn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
it out
freely
to the public. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view and in this essay
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss both sides of the views.

On the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, those who believe sharing as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
might argue that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students and researchers to enhance and surpass their knowledge. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will save time for them to do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and academics all over the world can form communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other.
For example
, it is quite common for students to struggle in solving an assignment.
Moreover
, entrepreneurs tend to create new business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to grow the benefit of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
accessible will save money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up.

On the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, my view is that sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
away and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
authorized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can access it. The reason is it could
be misused
if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
assume discovering it wasn't quite easy.
For instance
, hackers can manipulate users in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money from them or even threaten them to expose private data.

In conclusion
, although sharing information is beneficial for academics, I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information should not
be shared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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