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Some people believe that it is good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to share freely. Discuss both views and give your o v.1

Some people believe that it is good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to share freely. 1
Every individual will have their own career plans in order to live a happy life. Some people decide their career path during their small age and strive to achieve it. This obviously leads to a satisfied working life. There are some other thing one can do to have a satisfying work life. I totally agree with this and I will explain my reasons and also some other ways to have a happy life in the following passage. Firstly, every person during their early age gets motivated by their parents and tutors to have a particular aim in life. So that, one's mind will be fixed to achieve it. Accordingly, an individual can have a satisfying and happiest life in the future without any regrets. Whatever the grade they read, they mainly concentrate on their goal. Indirectly, this helps them to collect information and take coaching related to that field. For example, one wants to become an IAS officer, he will survive from his early age to achieve it by taking related coaching. On the other hand, One has to do what they like to do then only people can have satisfying working life. Anyone, who do the job in which they are not interested cannot lead a happy life. Even though it fulfil their daily need to survive. For example, one has a dream to become an officer, but due to some reasons he could not and doing some other work because of this life long he has that regret which makes him unhappy. One can take an inspirational person to become like them and also, learn an art such as music, drawing, sports and so on. Indeed, these different things can also guide one what they want to become in life. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that every student should have their career plan to achieve a goal and to a satisfying work life in their future. Also, one can plan their career graph gradually, so that at one stage they get an idea what they wish to become in future.
Every individual will have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
plans in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
decide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path during their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age and strive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
it. This
obviously
leads to a satisfied working life.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "things"?
thing
one can do to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to have a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the following passage.

Firstly
, every person during their early age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
motivated by their parents and tutors to have a particular aim in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, one's mind will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
it.
Accordingly
, an individual can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
and happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future without any regrets. Whatever the grade they read, they
mainly
concentrate on their goal.
Indirectly
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to collect information and take coaching related to that field.
For example
, one wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an IAS officer, he will survive from his early age to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
it by taking related coaching.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do what they like to do then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
working life.

Anyone, who do the job in which they are not interested cannot lead a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
it
Did you mean "fulfils"?
fulfil
their daily need to survive.
For example
, one has a dream to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an officer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons he could not and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
work
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
long he has that regret which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him unhappy. One can take an inspirational person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
like them and
also
, learn an art such as music, drawing, sports and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Indeed
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things can
also
guide one what they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
in life.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can
finally
draw a conclusion that every student should have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
plan to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
a goal and to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in their future.

Also
, one can plan their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
graph
gradually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that at one stage they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what they wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to share freely. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
354 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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