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Some people believe that it is a good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.5

Some people believe that it is a good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 5
There are some controversial ideas about sharing some information. Although some people believe that it is a good way to share some information, such as science, business and academic information, other people think that it can be dangerous to share some important or valuable information. I will discuss the two views and I will support that sharing information has more benefits for the development of human-being. On the one hand, I think that information has a very powerful strength, so some information, such as national secrets must not share with anyone. If some crucial national secrets are revealed, citizens’ security can be threatened by the other countries. Therefore, people don’t have to know and share the knowledge and information if it is connected with national secrets. On the other hand, sharing information related to scientific research, business and the academic world should share with everyone because it can help people over the world improve their standard of living. For example, after scientists discovered many antibiotics, many people can be treated and most diseases can have been curable. As a amazing result, life expectancy has been longer. I have asserted that sharing information is very essential and it must be shared with everyone for a better life. In conclusion, although some people are concerned about the problems of sharing information, such as security, I think that sharing information in science, business or medicine fields can lead to the development of our lives and as well as it will be one of the best ways to improve our health.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
controversial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, such as science, business and academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. I will discuss the two views and I will support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
has more benefits for the development of human-being.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful strength,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, such as national secrets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
with anyone. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial national secrets
are revealed
, citizens’ security can
be threatened
by the other countries.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
if it
is connected
with national secrets.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
related to scientific research, business and the academic world should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
with everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living.
For example
, after scientists discovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
antibiotics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be treated
and most diseases can have been curable. As
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
amazing result, life expectancy has been longer. I have asserted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shared
with everyone for a better life.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, such as security, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in science, business or medicine fields can lead to the development of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
as well
as it will be one of the best ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is a good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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