Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 1
It is true that some people argue that would be positive to spread information as much as possible in scientific, economic and academic sectors. However, others say that these kind of information should be hidden since they are too precious. In this essay I will discuss both points of view before giving my own opinion. On the one hand, knowledge is getting more important in our modern society, and with the advent of technology, it seems that nothing can contain its widespread. Firstly, with everyone who are sharing their willingness through social media, some specialized sectors such as scientists, can exploit these data as a useful source for their research. Secondly, a businessman who archived a great status of wealth can share all his tips and secrets about the market world and, hence, it could bring benefits for whom are in a poorer situation. However, not all these data can be interpreted as reliable, and interpreting the wrong data might bring catastrophic results. On the other hand, it is hiding the data that has the most direct effects on the public. First of all, human civilization is considered as a community and by obscuring the data can affect the progress of this civilization. For example, if an academic researcher found out a solution of a determined problem, he should immediately share his data in the specialized sector, any impediment of sharing these data can increase the time of solving this problem. Nonetheless, in some cases, hiding data are the key for the government to keep the population under control may be considered too important to be shared. For instance, with a widespread of coronavirus in 2019, the Chinese government initially tried to hide this information with the fear that its awareness could cause a massive consequence of its population. In conclusion, share freely and hide knowledge have both their advantages and disadvantages. As far as I am concerned, there should be a balance between them in order to help our society significantly.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to spread information as much as possible in scientific, economic and academic sectors.
However
, others say that
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of information should
be hidden
since they are too precious. In this essay I will discuss both points of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the one hand, knowledge is getting more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our modern society, and with the advent of technology, it seems that nothing can contain its widespread.
Firstly
, with everyone who are sharing their willingness through social media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specialized sectors such as scientists, can exploit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
as a useful source for their research.
Secondly
, a businessman who archived a great status of wealth can share all his tips and secrets about the market world and,
hence
, it could bring benefits for whom are in a poorer situation.
However
, not all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can
be interpreted
as reliable, and interpreting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
might bring catastrophic results.

On the other hand
, it is hiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
that has the most direct effects on the public.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, human civilization
is considered
as a community and by obscuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can affect the progress of this civilization.
For example
, if an academic researcher found out a solution of a determined problem, he should immediately share his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
in the specialized sector, any impediment of sharing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can increase the time of solving this problem. Nonetheless, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, hiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
are the key for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the population under control may
be considered
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be shared
.
For instance
, with
The phrase 'a widespread of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a widespread of
coronavirus in 2019, the Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
initially
tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
this information with the fear that its awareness could cause a massive consequence of its population.

In conclusion
, share
freely
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
knowledge have both their advantages and disadvantages. As far as I
am concerned
, there should be a balance between them in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our society
significantly
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts