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Some people beliebe that it is good to share to as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views an v.2

Some people beliebe that it is good to share to as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. 2
In today' s world, due to the development of technology, people are able to share the vast amount of information. Even in science, business and academic world. Although some think that the openness in that fields is necessary for our lifestyle, I would urge general public not to intrude their research' s freedom. There is an opinion that the confidential documents are needed to allow citizens to access so that a person who contributes in making world peaceful, better and convenient could be recognized the effort. For example, there are many famous activists, artists, scientists who died not to be known because of poverty, pressure etc. If their contribution had been identified earlier, people would have lived in the more advanced community. Because of this, it is essential to be said prevalently regarding precious information. However, on the other side of this argument, it must be remembered that the research materials could be used in different intention, unlike the expert' s one. For instance, Albert Einstein invented the theory of relativity which resulted in developing an atomic bomb. Furthermore, there may be a possibility not to ensure the professionals' privacy. Alan Turing, who is the father of computer science. At that time, England did not recognize homosexuality so his great work was hidden just because of his privacy. Thus this makes it clear why sharing the information leads to significant danger both our world and individual. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for against the permission of crucial report by distributing whoever they are. But I convinced that since they have discretionary power, people should not spread highly classified data as they please.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, due to the development of technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to share the vast amount of information. Even in science, business and academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the openness in that fields is necessary for our lifestyle, I would urge
Consider using "public".
general public
not to intrude their
Possible spelling mistake found.
research&
#039; s freedom.

There is an opinion that the confidential documents
are needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
citizens to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a person who contributes in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peaceful, better and convenient could
be recognized
the effort.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
activists, artists, scientists who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
not to
be known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty, pressure etc. If their contribution had
been identified
earlier,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the more advanced community.
Because of this
, it is essential to
be said
Possible spelling mistake found.
prevalently
regarding precious information.

However
, on the other side of this argument, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be remembered
that the research materials could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
intention, unlike the
Possible spelling mistake found.
expert&
#039; s one.
For instance
, Albert Einstein invented the theory of relativity which resulted in developing an atomic bomb.
Furthermore
, there may be a possibility not to ensure the
Possible spelling mistake found.
professionals&
#039; privacy. Alan Turing, who is the father of computer science. At that time, England did not recognize homosexuality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
his great work
was hidden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his privacy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why sharing the information leads to significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
both our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and individual.

In conclusion
, there are convincing arguments both for against the permission of crucial report by distributing whoever they are.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I convinced that since they have discretionary power,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not spread
highly
classified data as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people beliebe that it is good to share to as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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