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Your manager is going to retire after 40 years of service. Write a letter to the assistant manager to suggest a retirement event. – Explain how he influenced you at work. – What kind of event do you suggest? – Propose a gift from the company. v.2

Your manager is going to retire after 40 years of service. Write a letter to the assistant manager to suggest a retirement event. – Explain how he influenced you at work. – What kind of event do you suggest? – Propose a gift from the company. v. 2
Dear Sir, I am writing regarding sharing my suggestions about our manager retirement event plan. Also, I would like to share my ideas that how we can plan it and which gift suitable for him. First up all, we have learned many good things from him that how we can achieve our life and where we can gather our knowledge. He is really charismatic and optimistic person and he never made blue moon to anyone. I am really admired about way of his work and whenever he tackled the situation and easily manage with his stakeholders. We are all very eager to celebrate this farewell event. Overall 350 persons will attend his farewell party so we can plan it on the Empire hotel so that we can accommodate easily with all the members. Furthermore, I would like to suggest to give an unforgettable gift to him. I can remember that one of his interviews, he mentioned that he is very passionate to go to Himalaya with his family. So we can plan it arrange the family package to him. Definitely, he can mesmerize and he will never forget about this trip. Please share your ideas. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours Faithfully, S. John.
Dear Sir,

I am writing regarding sharing my suggestions about our manager retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
.
Also
, I would like to share my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that how we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
it and which gift suitable for him.

First
up all, we have learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things from him that how we can achieve our life and where we can gather our knowledge. He is
really
charismatic and optimistic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
he never made blue moon to anyone. I am
really
admired about way of his work and whenever he tackled the situation and
easily
manage with his stakeholders. We are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
eager to celebrate this farewell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Overall
350 persons will attend his farewell party
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
it on the Empire hotel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can accommodate
easily
with all the members.

Furthermore
, I would like to
The verb 'suggest' is used with the gerund form: "suggest giving".
suggest to give
an unforgettable gift to him. I can remember that one of his interviews, he mentioned that he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passionate to go to Himalaya with his family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
it arrange the family package to him. Definitely, he can
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mesmerize and
he will never forget about this trip.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
share your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
Faithfully
,

S. John.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter Your manager is going to retire after 40 years of service. Write a letter to the assistant manager to suggest a retirement event. – Explain how he influenced you at work. – What kind of event do you suggest? – Propose a gift from the company. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
208 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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