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Your child is going on a 3 day school trip to another country The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go Write a letter and Say why would you like to go on the trip Suggest what you could do to help during the tri v.2

Your child is going on a 3 day school trip to another country The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go Write a letter and Say why would you like to go on the trip Suggest what you could do to help during the tri v. 2
Dear Mrs. Dina, I am Safaa Hussein, and I am a mother of Omar Ahmed, one of your students in calss 4b. I am writing to inform you that I would like to join the school trip next month. The first point I want to raise is that unfortunately, my son is going to need me during this trip; he is on medication and he usually forget to take his medicine on time, and he really wants to be with his friends during this journey as most of them are travelling. Another thing I forgot to mention is that I have been to Turkey before and I might be helpful to the team. Moreover, I have no problem in taking some responsibilities with the students such as waking the up and help the young ones in getting ready on time. One final issue is that I need to know if the school will need any documents from me and also the amount of money that I need to pay for joining the summer trip. Looking forward to hearing from you. Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me; here is my WhatsApp number: 25567932165. Thanks in advance. Sincerely yours, Safaa Hussein
Dear Mrs. Dina,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Safaa
Hussein, and I am a mother of Omar Ahmed, one of your students in
Possible spelling mistake found.
calss
4b. I am writing to inform you that I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the school trip
next
month.

The
first
point I want to raise is that unfortunately, my son is going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
me during this trip; he is on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
medication and
he
usually
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "forgets", "forgot".
forget
to take his medicine on time, and he
really
wants to be with his friends during this journey as most of them are travelling.

Another thing I forgot to mention is that I have been to Turkey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and I might be helpful to the team.
Moreover
, I have no problem in taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities with the students such as waking the up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the young ones in getting ready on time.

One final issue is that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to know if the school will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
any documents from me and
also
the amount of money that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay for joining the summer trip.

Looking forward to hearing from you. Should there be any queries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
do not hesitate to contact me; here is my WhatsApp number: 25567932165.

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely
yours,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Safaa
Hussein
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter Your child is going on a 3 day school trip to another country The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go Write a letter and Say why would you like to go on the trip Suggest what you could do to help during the tri v. 2

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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