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You are going to another country to study. you will like to do a part-time job. While you are studying, so you want to ask a friend lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. İn your letter, -give details of your study plans. - explain why v.7

You are going to another country to study. you will like to do a part-time job. While you are studying, so you want to ask a friend lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. İn your letter, -give details of your study plans. - explain why v. 7
Dear Kevin I hope that you are very good and this letter finds you well. I am writing this letter to inform you regarding my school program that I will attend and to get handful of advice from you. As I have mentioned before that at last, I have been accepted by Greenwich University as graduate student. You can imagine that how I am happy when I hear that. Since the program will be continue for four year, it would be perfect idea that working in some part-time jobs in order to cover tuition fees, cost of living and accommodation prices. I do not experience regarding finding jobs or interview with employers therefore you could check on some jobs advertisement around your zone where you live for me? As you know I worked as a waiter barman and ball boy in high school years that why I can do it whatever you find related to job. Thank you for your help and I know that I owe something in the near future. All the best
Dear Kevin

I hope that you are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and this letter finds you well.

I am writing this letter to inform you regarding my school program that I will attend and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
handful of advice from you.

As I have mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that at last, I have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by Greenwich University as graduate student. You can imagine that how I am happy when I hear that. Since the program will be
Consider using the past participle "continued"?
continue
for four year, it would be perfect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time jobs in order to cover tuition fees, cost of living and accommodation prices. I do not experience regarding finding jobs or interview with employers
therefore
you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "jobs'" or "job's"?
jobs
advertisement around your zone where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for me? As you know I worked as a waiter barman and ball boy in high school years that why I can do it whatever you find related to job.

Thank you for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and I know that I owe something in the near future.

All the best
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You are going to another country to study. you will like to do a part-time job. While you are studying, so you want to ask a friend lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. İn your letter, -give details of your study plans. - explain why v. 7

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You are going to another country to study. you will like to do a part-time job. While you are studying, so you want to ask a friend lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. İn your letter, -give details of your study plans. - explain why v.7