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You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v.5

You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v. 5
Dear Sir or Madam, I am keen to partake in the seminar you are going to organise next month in Finland. I am hoping to get further information about it to finalise my participation. I am Raj Muthuraman, working as a senior architect in BT Financial Group in India. Currently, I am managing a research project-  ‘Failure and Recovery of Technical Orchestration’, for the company and I believe your symposium on Enterprise Architecture Seminar would be a great help to me. However, the invitation I received for the event did not confirm the dates as they were still being finalised. Can you confirm the schedule and provide an agenda for the event so that I can plan ahead? Also, can you suggest some good hotels in the area with an indicative cost? That will help me in planning my travel, accommodation and cost of the trip. It would be great if you can send me the requested details at your earliest preferably by the end of this week by fax or email. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Raj Muthuraman
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am keen to partake in the seminar you are going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
next
month in Finland. I am hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
further
information about it to
Possible spelling mistake. 'finalise' is British English.
finalise
my participation.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am Raj
Possible spelling mistake found.
Muthuraman
, working as a senior architect in BT Financial Group in India.
Currently
, I am managing a research project-
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
‘Failure and Recovery of Technical Orchestration’, for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and I believe your symposium on Enterprise Architecture Seminar would be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to me.

However
, the invitation I received for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
did not confirm the dates as they were
still
being
Possible spelling mistake. 'finalised' is British English.
finalised
. Can you confirm the schedule and provide an agenda for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can plan ahead?
Also
, can you suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hotels in the area with an indicative cost? That will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me in planning my travel, accommodation and cost of the trip.

It would be great if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me the requested
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
at your earliest
preferably
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this week by fax or email.

I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Raj
Possible spelling mistake found.
Muthuraman
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS letter You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v. 5

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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