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You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v.4

You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to get some details about the seminar - New Techniques of Production Management, which your organisation will administer in London. I am hoping that you would reply to my queries so that I can book my seat for the symposium. I am working as a production manager in a large home appliances company in Iran for the last five years and I think this seminar would be helpful to me as it covers some new approaches to managing workers and manufacturing lines. I believe this seminar would enhance participants' knowledge and skills in different management manners and styles applied in the home appliance manufacturing industry. As I did not obtain all the information that I need from your advertisement, I would like to know the date and schedule of the seminar. What kind of accommodation would you prepare for the participants, if at all? Finally, how much the registration would cost? Can I book and pay online? If so, give me details instruction, please. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest. Yours faithfully, Milad Rahimi
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminar
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
New Techniques of Production Management, which your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will administer in London. I am hoping that you would reply to my queries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can book my seat for the symposium.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am working as a production manager in a large home appliances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Iran for the last five years and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminar
would be helpful to me as it covers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new approaches to managing workers and manufacturing lines.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
believe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminar
would enhance participants' knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
management manners and styles applied in the home appliance manufacturing industry.

As I did not obtain all the information that I need from your advertisement, I would like to know the date and schedule of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminar
. What kind of accommodation would you prepare for the participants, if at all?
Finally
, how much the registration would cost? Can I book and pay online? If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, give me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
instruction,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Milad
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rahimi
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS letter You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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