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You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. v.2

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, Three months ago I purchased a Dell laptop from your store. Unfortunately, the product has suddenly stopped working and is now totally unusable. I really need this laptop to complete my work as I work from home and I am hoping you will replace it soon. In relation to the specifics of the problem, the laptop screen does not show anything except a black screen with some red dots on it even though the laptop seems like running. It worked just fine the day before yesterday but is dysfunctional right now. I have checked the battery, power connection and tried to realise from the sound of the laptop that the problem is with the monitor. My purchase number is 2558745 and I am attaching a copy of my receipt. I am a freelancer and have a few running projects that I need to finish before the end of this month. If my laptop does not work, I am unable to work. Besides, I have important files, software and in-progress project instructions on this laptop which means I am stuck without them. Since I have a valid warranty and I need this device fixed immediately, I am hoping you would repair it within the next three days or replace with a new one and transfer the data. I hope to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, Monica Smith
Dear Sir or Madam,

Three months ago I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a Dell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
from your store. Unfortunately, the product has
suddenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
totally
unusable. I
really
need this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
to complete my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
I am hoping you will replace it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

In relation to the specifics of the problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
screen does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
anything except a black screen with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
red dots on it
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
seems like running. It worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fine the day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
yesterday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is dysfunctional right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
the battery, power connection and tried to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
from the sound of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
that the problem is with the monitor. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
number is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2558745 and
I am attaching a copy of my receipt.

I am a freelancer and have a few running projects that I need to finish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this month. If my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I am unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Besides
, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
files, software and in-progress project instructions on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
which means I
am stuck
without them.

Since I have a valid warranty and I need this device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
immediately, I am hoping you would repair it within the
next
three days or replace with a new one and transfer the data.

I hope to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Monica Smith
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS letter You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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