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You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. v.4

You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to express my interest in attending an important training course called ‘Introduction to Advanced Supply Chain Management System’ after coming across its advertisement in one of our local newspapers last week. This is a 3 months long part-time course that will start on 17 January, and classes will be held 3 times a week on weekdays in the evenings, from 4 pm to 7 pm. I am quite convinced that the course will not only help in enhancing my skills as a Junior Logistic Manager but will also provide me with enough clarity on more advanced logistic approaches of the 21st century. As you know, as an export-oriented company, logistics will always play an important role in delivery cost reduction and ensure the safe delivery of our products worldwide. Therefore, I would like to request you to allow me to leave early twice a week for the next 3 months to attend this training course.   Also, the fee for attending this course is quite high, so it would be great if I could get some funding from our staff training fund. Yours faithfully, Phillip Ray
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to express my interest in attending an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
called ‘Introduction to Advanced Supply Chain Management System’ after coming across its advertisement in one of our local newspapers last week. This is a 3 months long part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
on 17 January, and classes will
be held
3 times a week on weekdays in the evenings, from 4 pm to 7 pm.

I am quite convinced that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in enhancing my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as a Junior Logistic Manager
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
provide me with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
clarity on more advanced logistic approaches of the 21st century. As you know, as an export-oriented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, logistics will always play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in delivery cost reduction and ensure the safe delivery of our products worldwide.

Therefore
, I would like to request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
early twice a week for the
next
3 months to attend this training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Also
, the fee for attending this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is quite high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be great if I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funding from our staff training fund.

Yours
faithfully
,

Phillip Ray
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS letter You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. v. 4

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
194 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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