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You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. v.3

You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing about a training course titled 'Digital Presence for Global Expansion of Business', that was advertised in a daily newspaper on 14th October. I believe it would be helpful for me and I am hoping to get your permission to participate in it. In relation to the specifics of the training, it’s a four-day intensive session for Brand Managers and will be held on 20th to 23rd November. Registration (materials and meals included) fee is $200 and needs prior booking. Some renowned speakers would conduct the training at the BlueText Seminar Hall and more than 100 Brand Managers from different national and multinational companies are expected to participate in it. Since this is a resourceful training session and would be helpful for us to expand our presence to a wider variety of digital channels, I am hoping you would exempt me from my duties for that time and consider reimbursing me for this seminar. I will get back to my normal work from 24th November. It’s quite important to take advantage of this opportunity because expanding our digital footprint and social presence for building comprehensive user engagement is the key goal for me this year. This seminar promises to make the participants ready for this challenge. After successful completion of the training, I would be able to put together actionable steps that I can take immediately to start engaging more seriously with our users. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, William Brockie
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
course titled 'Digital Presence for Global Expansion of Business', that
was advertised
in a daily newspaper on 14th October. I believe it would be helpful for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
me and
I am hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your permission to participate in it.

In relation to the specifics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, it’s a four-day intensive session for Brand Managers and will
be held
on 20th to 23rd November. Registration (materials and meals included) fee is $200 and needs prior booking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
renowned speakers would conduct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
BlueText
Seminar Hall and more than 100 Brand Managers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
national and multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to participate in it.

Since this is a resourceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
session and would be helpful for us to expand our presence to a wider variety of digital channels, I am hoping you would exempt me from my duties for that time and consider reimbursing me for this seminar. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to my normal work from 24th November.

It’s quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take advantage of this opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
expanding our digital footprint and social presence for building comprehensive user engagement is the key goal for me this year. This seminar promises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the participants ready for this challenge. After successful completion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, I would be able to put together actionable steps that I can take immediately to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
engaging more
seriously
with our users.

Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

William
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brockie
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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