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You will move to a new city for work. You know some people who live there. v.2

You will move to a new city for work. You know some people who live there. v. 2
Dear Mr & Mrs Williams, You would be happy to hear that I have recently been offered a job in Brisbane and I would move into the South Bank area soon. It would be an absolute delight to live in your city as I would be able to frequently meet you. I would like to ask if you can help me find a living place before I arrive. I believe you could help me to find somewhere to live in as you have a wide social circle. Ideally, I would like to live close to my workplace which happens to be in the Bank area in Brisbane. If this is not possible, my second preference is the downtown district. As I do exercise regularly, it would be great to be near a park too. Obviously, I will be looking for a flat, rather than a house, as it is just going to be me and I won’t be able to afford too much. So, a place with one bedroom is fine, but I would like to have a private bathroom, a kitchen. I would prefer to live somewhere new, so anything in a modern apartment block would be great. I look forward to meeting you soon. Yours sincerely, Alan Martin
Dear Mr & Mrs Williams,

You would be happy to hear that I have recently
been offered
a job in Brisbane and I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the South Bank area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. It would be an absolute delight to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in your city as I would be able to
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you. I would like to ask if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me find a living place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I arrive.

I believe you could
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help me find"?
help me to find
somewhere to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in as you have a wide social circle.
Ideally
, I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
close to my workplace which happens to be in the Bank area in Brisbane. If this is not possible, my second preference is the downtown district. As I do exercise
regularly
, it would be great to be near a park too.

Obviously
, I will be looking for a flat,
rather
than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
going to be me and I won’t be able to afford too much.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a place with one bedroom is fine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would like to have a private bathroom, a kitchen. I would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
somewhere new,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
anything in a modern apartment block would be great.

I look forward to meeting you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Alan Martin
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS letter You will move to a new city for work. You know some people who live there. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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