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You were offered to join a company but for some reasons, you can not join there. v.2

You were offered to join a company but for some reasons, you can not join there. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing in response to the offer letter, you on behalf of the  DesignCrowd, have mailed me recently. I would like to thank you for the chance to join your company as a System Analyst. Unfortunately, I am unable to accept the offer right now and would like you to consider me in the future. Before citing my reasons for not accepting the offer, I would first like to thank you for giving me such a great opportunity.   Due to my personal commitment to my current employer, I cannot accept your offer. Kindly note that I joined my current employer a year ago and when I informed them that I am planning to leave, my manager arranged a face-to-face meeting and convinced me to continue with them for at least another year. I love the way this company treats its employee on top of the performance appraisal and a healthy work environment. Thus, considering his faith in me, it would be too early to change the job. I hope you will understand my reasons for continuing my current job, and please allow me to remain in your good books. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Ria Nagpal
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in response to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
letter, you on behalf of the
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Possible spelling mistake found.
DesignCrowd
, have mailed me recently. I would like to thank you for the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as a System Analyst. Unfortunately, I am unable to accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and would like you to consider me in the future.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
citing my reasons for not accepting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
, I would
first
like to thank you for giving me such a great opportunity.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Due to my personal commitment to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer, I cannot accept your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
. Kindly note that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer a year ago and when I informed them that I am planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, my manager arranged a face-to-face meeting and convinced me to continue with them for at least another year. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the way this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
treats its employee on top of the performance appraisal and a healthy work environment.

Thus
, considering his faith in me, it would be too early to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the job. I hope you will understand my reasons for continuing my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
job, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to remain in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
books.

Looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ria
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nagpal
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS letter You were offered to join a company but for some reasons, you can not join there. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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