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You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. v.1

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. v. 1
Dear Mr Harry, I am writing to you about the possibility of taking 12 days off work in order to complete my thesis and final exams for my Master’s degree in Finance from the University of Manchester. I am hoping that you would grant me leave from 17th July to 28th July 2020. I have almost finished my thesis, which I must submit to my teacher by July 24th. I need some time to completely finish it and to prepare for the upcoming exams. Hence I am asking for your permission to take time off work. I can assure you that I would check my emails daily, perhaps reply to some of them and be available for emergency phone calls from the office. Once I complete my exams and get back to the office, I would endeavour to come into the office earlier than usual and work Sundays in order to catch up on anything I had missed. I have already talked to Ethan and he is ready to share some of the responsibilities during my absence. I realise my temporary absence could be an inconvenience to you and the rest of the team, but I really need to take the leave to complete my Master’s degree qualification. I am looking forward to hearing from you and expecting your kind cooperation. Yours sincerely, Susanne Dvorak
Dear Mr Harry,

I am writing to you about the possibility of taking 12 days off work in order to complete my thesis and final exams for my Master’s degree in Finance from the University of Manchester. I am hoping that you would grant me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from 17th July to 28th July 2020.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have almost finished my thesis, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
submit to my teacher by July 24th.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to completely finish it and to prepare for the upcoming exams.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I am asking for your permission to take time off work.

I can assure you that I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
my emails daily, perhaps reply to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them and be available for emergency phone calls from the office. Once I complete my exams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to the office, I would
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the office earlier than usual and work Sundays in order to catch up on anything I had missed. I have already talked to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Ethan and
he is ready to share
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
responsibilities during my absence.

I
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
my temporary absence could be an inconvenience to you and the rest of the team,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
really
need to take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to complete my Master’s degree qualification.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am looking forward to hearing from you and expecting your kind cooperation.

Yours
sincerely
,

Susanne Dvorak
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS letter You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
224 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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