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You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. v.2

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. v. 2
Dear Mr Pattison, My parents are going to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary on 14th December and I would request some unpaid leave from the office next month to prepare for the party and enjoy the occasion. The 50th wedding anniversary is a significant occasion both for our parents and us and we want to make it distinctive. We will celebrate the occasion on 14th December and have already booked a large party hall for that. The whole family, including my nephews and nieces, and almost 50 other guests are expected to be present and it demands a huge preparation. To participate in this occasion, I would need to be away from work for three days, considering the travel time and some preparation works that I am expected to finish before the party. I would, hence, be absent from work from 13th December to 15th December. I do not have any urgent work commitment at that time and Tania has agreed to look after my tasks while I would be away. She had done that before and after I return, I would be ready to work some extra hours to cover any of my pending tasks. I would be very grateful if you could allow me the time off. The occasion is very special to me and my family and I want to make it memorable by attending it. Thank you in advance. Yours sincerely, Donna Roth
Dear Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pattison
,

My parents are going to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary on 14th December and I would request
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpaid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from the office
next
month to prepare for the party and enjoy the occasion.

The 50th wedding anniversary is a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
both for our parents and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it distinctive. We will celebrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
on 14th December and have already booked a large party hall for that. The whole family, including my nephews and nieces, and almost 50 other guests are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be present and it demands a huge preparation.

To participate in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
, I would need to be away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for three days, considering the travel time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preparation works that I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to finish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the party. I would,
hence
, be absent from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from 13th December to 15th December. I do not have any urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
commitment at that time and Tania has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to look after my tasks while I would be away. She had done that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after I return, I would be ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra hours to cover any of my pending tasks.

I would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
grateful if you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me the time off. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
special to me and my family and I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it memorable by attending it.

Thank you in advance.

Yours
sincerely
,

Donna Roth
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
236 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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