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You wanted to have your computer fixed by the computer shop you bought it form, but the shop refused to repair it. Write a letter to the manager of the computer shop. In your letter, you•Describe the problem with your computer•Explain why you are not v.2

You wanted to have your computer fixed by the computer shop you bought it form, but the shop refused to repair it. Write a letter to the manager of the computer shop. In your letter, you•Describe the problem with your computer•Explain why you are not v. 2
To whom it my concern. I am writing to notify you of a claim for damaged goods against your shop. Besides, I am disappointed concerning your attendants’ rude when dealing with the client’s request. It is hurting your business. I purchased an HP computer in your shop early last week. It worked well in the first week, but later displayed some obvious problems. First, on the screen, some dark dots appeared, which have seriously blurred the screen. I thought that your shop at least manage to check the computer and give me some suggestion as the computer is under one year-long warranty. However, I was shocked when I saw the shop attendants insisted that they were not held responsible, and the only suggestion they generously left me was to refer this problem to the manufacture directly. This situation is seriously causing me considerable anxiety. Unless you take prompt action to rectify this problem of my computer or refund the purchase price in full, I will be forced to take legal action regarding your shop’s refusal to honor the warranty. I hope we can work something out to our mutual benefit. Your earliest response will be appreciated. Faithfully yours, Mans Sh
To whom it my concern.

I am writing to notify you of a claim for damaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
against your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
Besides
, I
am disappointed
concerning your attendants’ rude when dealing with the client’s request. It is hurting your business.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
an HP computer in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
early last week. It worked well in the
first
week,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later displayed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious problems.
First
, on the screen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dark dots appeared, which have
seriously
blurred the screen. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
at least manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the computer and give me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestion as the computer is under one year-long warranty.
However
, I
was shocked
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
attendants insisted that they were not held responsible, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
suggestion they
generously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
me was to refer this problem to the manufacture
directly
. This situation is
seriously
causing me considerable anxiety. Unless you take prompt action to rectify this problem of my computer or refund the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
price in full, I will
be forced
to take legal action regarding your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop’s
refusal to honor the warranty. I hope we can work something out to our mutual benefit.

Your earliest response will
be appreciated
.

Faithfully
yours,

'Mans' refers to the verb 'man' meaning take command of something. Did you mean "men" or "man's"?
Mans
Sh
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS letter You wanted to have your computer fixed by the computer shop you bought it form, but the shop refused to repair it. Write a letter to the manager of the computer shop. In your letter, you•Describe the problem with your computer•Explain why you are not v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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