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You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v.4

You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Sameed Qureshi, a loyal customer of your bus service, writing to bring your attention to property damage while travelling by one of your buses from Hamburg to Frankfurt on 24th February 2020. I am hoping to receive compensations for the damage and would expect you to issue a show-cause letter to the person responsible. Regarding the incidence, I took a bus (number BT5801) on 24th February 2020 and the bus left the Hamburg Central Bus Station at 7: 30 am. Like most travellers, I submitted my suitcase to a bus staff who kept it in the luggage compartment. When the bus arrived at the Frankfurt terminal, I was shocked to discover that my suitcase was severely damaged. It was a maroon suitcase that my dad has given me as a present. Hence it has a sentimental value to me. It is an expensive suitcase made by Briggs & Riley company. Since I have submitted the suitcase to one of your employees before embarking on this journey, I expect you to reimburse me the amount equivalent to the fair value of my suitcase. Please find the enclosed purchase receipt of the suitcase. I have already decided that if you fail to pay me for my loss within the next 14 days, I shall institute legal proceedings against your company in a small claims court. I am anticipating immediate remedial action. Yours faithfully, Sameed Qureshi
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sameed
Qureshi, a loyal customer of your bus service, writing to bring your attention to property damage while travelling by one of your buses from Hamburg to Frankfurt on 24th February 2020. I am hoping to receive compensations for the damage and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
you to issue a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-cause letter to the person responsible.

Regarding the incidence, I took a bus (number BT5801) on 24th February 2020 and the bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the Hamburg Central Bus Station at 7: 30 am. Like most
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
, I submitted my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
to a bus staff who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
it in the luggage compartment. When the bus arrived at the Frankfurt terminal, I
was shocked
to discover that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
was
severely
damaged. It was a maroon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
that my dad has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
me as a present.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it has a sentimental value to me. It is an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
made by Briggs & Riley
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Since I have submitted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
to one of your employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embarking on this journey, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
you to reimburse me the amount equivalent to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
value of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
find the enclosed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
receipt of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
. I have already decided that if you fail to pay me for my loss within the
next
14 days, I shall institute legal proceedings against your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
claims court.

I am anticipating immediate remedial action.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sameed
Qureshi
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
238 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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