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You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v.3

You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I travelled from London to Manchester on 20th January 2020 on your bus - M548, and unfortunately, my new suitcase was completely damaged due to the mishandling by a staff member on the bus. I'm writing to claim the compensation for the damage while using your service and hoping to hear from you soon regarding this. The bus I took left London Central Bus Station at 2: 00 pm on 20th July and I handed over my suitcase to a bus staff before taking my seat. It is a four-wheel suitcase made by TravelPro and it contained my personal belongings. When I arrived at the Manchester Bus Terminal, I got my suitcase back but to my surprise, its upper part was torn down and two of its wheels were broken. I immediately complained to the bus driver but he didn't take any action and advised me to write to you instead. I purchased this suitcase only a week ago and the warranty does not cover such forceful physical damage. As your bus staff is responsible for the damage, I am entitled to get proper compensation. I am attaching the invoice of my suitcase and pictures of the damaged suitcase with this letter. I look forward to hearing from you regarding this soon. Yours faithfully, Milad Rahimi
Dear Sir or Madam,

I travelled from London to Manchester on 20th January 2020 on your bus
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
M548, and unfortunately, my new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
was completely damaged due to the mishandling by a staff member on the bus. I'm writing to claim the compensation for the damage while using your service and hoping to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
regarding this.

The bus I took
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
London Central Bus Station at 2: 00 pm on 20th July and I handed over my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
to a bus staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking my seat. It is a four-wheel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
made by
Possible spelling mistake found.
TravelPro
and it contained my personal belongings. When I arrived at the Manchester Bus Terminal, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to my surprise, its upper part
was torn
down and two of its wheels
were broken
. I immediately complained to the bus driver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he didn't take any action and advised me to write to you
instead
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a week ago and the warranty does not cover such forceful physical damage. As your bus staff is responsible for the damage, I
am entitled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper compensation. I am attaching
The usual prepositions to use after "the invoice" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "the invoice for"?
the invoice of
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
and pictures of the damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
with this letter.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Milad
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rahimi
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS letter You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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