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You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v.1

You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a regular commuter of your bus service - Maple Tree Transportation, and I travelled from Edmonton to Calgary on April 5th. Unfortunately, my new suitcase was completely damaged due to the carelessness of your bus staff and I am writing to claim compensation for that and would request you to investigate the issue so that it does not happen to any other commuter. With regards to the incident, I took a bus from the Edmonton city station at 2: 00 pm and reached the Calgary bus bay at 8: 00 pm on 25th February 2020. I checked in a suitcase made by American Tourister and it contained my personal belongings. I instructed the bus staff to handle it with care. Unfortunately, when I arrived at Calgary bus bay and noticed my suitcase, its bottom part was completely torn down. I am sure this happened because someone very forcefully pulled it in and out of the luggage box. On top of that, the left wheel of my suitcase was also broken into pieces. This happened because your bus staff bungled my luggage. Mishandling of passengers luggage is not acceptable. My brand new suitcase got vitiated due to inadequate management and disregard of your bus staff. Therefore, I request a quick action in this regard and ask for full payment for the damage caused to the suitcase. I am attaching the receipt of the suitcase which I purchased last month. Also, talk to the bus staff so that they do not repeat that incident. Awaiting your reply and expecting immediate actions from you. Yours faithfully, Andy Odesa
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a regular commuter of your bus service
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Maple Tree Transportation, and I travelled from Edmonton to Calgary on April 5th. Unfortunately, my new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
was completely damaged due to the carelessness of your bus
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
staff and
I am writing to claim compensation for that and would request you to investigate the issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it does not happen to any other commuter.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the incident, I took a bus from the Edmonton city station at 2: 00 pm and reached the Calgary bus bay at 8: 00 pm on 25th February 2020. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
made by American
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tourister
and it contained my personal belongings. I instructed the bus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
to handle it with care. Unfortunately, when I arrived at Calgary bus bay and noticed my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
, its bottom part was completely torn down. I am sure this happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
forcefully
pulled it in and out of the luggage box.
On top of that
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
wheel of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
was
also
broken into pieces. This happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
your bus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
bungled my luggage.

Mishandling of passengers luggage is not acceptable. My
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
vitiated due to inadequate management and disregard of your bus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
.
Therefore
, I request a quick action in this regard and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
full payment for the damage caused to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
. I am attaching the receipt of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
last month.
Also
, talk to the bus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not repeat that incident.

Awaiting your reply and expecting immediate actions from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Andy Odesa
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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