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You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v.2

You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Ethan Deen a regular commuter of your bus. Recently I took your bus to reach Boston and to my surprise, your staff's mishandling of my luggage caused severe damage to it. I am writing to claim compensation for the property damage while travelling on a bus from your company. I travelled from Washington, D. C. to Boston on bus #301 on April 21, 2020. The bus left the Greyhound Station at 9: 30 am. Before the trip, I handed over my luggage to the conductor, who helped me to place my suitcase in the luggage compartment, which was almost empty at that time. After I arrived at the Boston Bus Station, the person in charge opened the compartment and I noticed that my brand new Gucci suitcase was smashed under the pressure of the weight of several other luggage. My suitcase was firm and very beautiful with its modern design. However, it obviously hasn’t been designed to resist such a weight on it. I am very depressed because I can no longer use this suitcase. Its handle bent and two wheels got detached. Since the damage was caused by the careless actions of your employee, I would like to claim my compensation of $250, which was the original price of my suitcase. Please, deliver a cheque to the address, written above. Faithfully yours, Ethan Deen
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Ethan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deen
a regular commuter of your bus. Recently I took your bus to reach Boston and to my surprise, your staff's mishandling of my luggage caused severe damage to it. I am writing to claim compensation for the property damage while travelling on a bus from your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

I travelled from Washington, D. C. to Boston on bus #301 on April 21, 2020. The bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the Greyhound Station at 9: 30 am.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the trip, I handed over my luggage to the conductor, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to place my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
in the luggage compartment, which was almost empty at that time. After I arrived at the Boston Bus Station, the person in charge opened the compartment and I noticed that my
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
Gucci
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
was smashed
under the pressure of the weight of several other luggage.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
was firm and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
with its modern design.
However
, it
obviously
hasn’t
been designed
to resist such a weight on it. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I can no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
. Its handle bent and two wheels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
detached.

Since the damage
was caused
by the careless actions of your employee, I would like to claim my compensation of $250, which was the original price of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitcase
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
, deliver a
Possible spelling mistake. 'cheque' is British English.
cheque
to the address, written above.

Faithfully
yours,

Ethan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deen
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS letter You travelled by a long-distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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