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You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v.7

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 7
Dear Mr Lim, I have been working with your company for almost five weeks as a part-time call centre agent. I am writing this letter to raise my concerns regarding some of the problems that I encountered during my work at your company. I am expecting that you would take measures to resolve them. I took the job as I believed it would enhance my communication and public speaking skills and increase my confidence in socialising with other people in an addendum to supporting my studies. During the first week, everything went fine. But from my second week, I started facing some unavoidable issues. My computer automatically shuts down and it interrupts my communication with customers. It happened almost every day. After I raised the problem to the technician in charge, he tried to fix it but without success. What I hate most is that the guy is blaming me for not using the computer properly! In addition, I was supposed to be picked up and dropped off every office day, but this is not happening. I am confident enough that the computer problem is not at all my fault, and happens due to the use of pirated software. I am concerned because my overall performance has already been affected by it. It would be easier if a new computer is provided to me or made sure the fix is done properly. Also please try to arrange my transportation, at least to drop me off at the end of the office. I am hoping for your immediate response on this matter. Respectfully yours, Christine Hazel
Dear Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lim
,

I have been working with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for almost five weeks as a part-time call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
agent. I am writing this letter to raise my concerns regarding
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems that I encountered during my work at your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am expecting that you would take measures to resolve them.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
took the job as I believed it would enhance my communication and public speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and increase my confidence in
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in an addendum to supporting my studies.

During the
first
week, everything went fine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from my second week, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unavoidable issues. My computer
automatically
shuts down and it interrupts my communication with customers. It happened almost every day. After I raised the problem to the technician in charge, he tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without success. What I hate most is that the guy is blaming me for not using the computer
properly
!
In addition
, I
was supposed
to
be picked
up and dropped off every office day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not happening.

I am confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
that the computer problem is not at all my fault, and happens due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of pirated software. I
am concerned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my
overall
performance has already been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it. It would be easier if a new computer
is provided
to me or made sure the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
is done
properly
.
Also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
try to arrange my transportation, at least to drop me off at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the office.

I am hoping for your immediate response on this matter.

Respectfully
yours,

Christine Hazel
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS letter You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 7

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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