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You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v.3

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 3
Dear Mr Patrick, I am working as a part-time computer operator in your office for the last six weeks. I took the job to fund my internship in a software programming course. Today, I am writing to raise some concerns about the problems I facing on the job and hoping your intercession to solve them. I was told at the time of joining that the working hours would be from 2: 00 to 6: 00 pm. However, I have been working from 2: 00 to 10: 00 pm for the last couple of days. Unfortunately, the person who is supposed to come at 7: 30 pm sharp does not show up until 10. 00 pm. Moreover, my supervisor forces me to work on Fridays, which according to my job contract is not mandatory. Although I had managed to work on Friday until the last week by missing a few lectures at college, it seems unmanageable in the future as this will affect my studies. I would really appreciate if you could talk to our supervisor about these problems and offer me a solution as early as possible. Otherwise, I would have to quit the job, even though I enjoy my work and love working for your company. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Riya Nagpal
Dear Mr Patrick,

I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as a part-time computer operator in your office for the last six weeks. I took the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to fund my internship in a software programming course.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I am writing to raise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns about the problems
Did you mean "I'm facing", "I am facing", or "I was facing"?
I facing
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and hoping your intercession to solve them.

I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
at the time of joining that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours would be from 2: 00 to 6: 00 pm.
However
, I have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from 2: 00 to 10: 00 pm for the last couple of days. Unfortunately, the person who
is supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at 7: 30 pm sharp does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up until 10. 00 pm.

Moreover
, my supervisor forces me to work on Fridays, which according to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
contract is not mandatory. Although I had managed to work on Friday until the last week by missing a few lectures at college, it seems unmanageable in the future as this will affect my studies.

I would
really
appreciate if you could talk to our supervisor about these problems and offer me a solution as early as possible.
Otherwise
, I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
quit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
even though
I enjoy my work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Riya
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nagpal
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS letter You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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