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You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v.10

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 10
Dear Mr Karim, I am writing to raise my concern about some specific problems with respect to my current job. I have been doing a part-time job as a Software Architect in your company for the last two months and have two specific problems which impeded me to work properly. I am hoping you would intervene and resolved these problems. I really like my job and looking forward to working for your company and contribute with my best effort. But sadly, I can not access the Internet and had been restricted to use the office intranet. Frankly speaking, I have never faced it in another company. I completely understand all the securities and policies, but in fact, employees often struggle with different problems during developing new discrete and concrete components in SOA patterns and Googling is the best way to get help and resources. Therefore, I sincerely ask you to allow us to access the Internet. Moreover, I was informed to help the User Interface (UI) team to swiftly accomplish their job a few weeks ago. But my current seat arrangement is quite inconvenient to interact with the UI team members as they are on a different floor. Hence, I would appreciate if you put my seat near the UI development team immediately. I beg your pardon for pointing out issues which sound more like complaints. My sincere apology for that and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Ali Khan
Dear Mr Karim,

I am writing to raise my concern about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific problems with respect to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I have been doing a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a Software Architect in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for the last two months and have two specific problems which impeded me to work
properly
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping you would intervene and resolved these problems.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
really
like my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and looking forward to working for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and contribute with my best effort.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
sadly
, I can not access the Internet and had
been restricted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the office intranet.
Frankly
speaking, I have never faced it in another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I completely understand all the securities and policies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact, employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
struggle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems during developing new discrete and concrete components in SOA patterns and Googling is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and resources.
Therefore
, I
sincerely
ask you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to access the Internet.

Moreover
, I
was informed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the User Interface (UI) team to
swiftly
accomplish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
a few weeks ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
seat arrangement is quite inconvenient to interact with the UI team members as they are on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
floor.
Hence
, I would appreciate if you put my seat near the UI development team immediately.

I beg your pardon for pointing out issues which sound more like complaints. My sincere apology for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Ali Khan
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 10

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
244 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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