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You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v.4

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 4
Dear Mr Anderson, I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to work in your company as a part-time cost-benefit analyst. So far I have been enjoying my work but some issues have raised that need your interference to resolve. I am hoping that you would help me work even more efficiently by solving them. I joined your company on 20th September as a part-timer and gaining experience and supporting my university tuition were my reasons to take a job. My job contract was to work for three days a week. Recently our team lead has instructed me to work four days per week which will contradict my class schedule. Besides, the computer I was given is not suitable to do my work. Despite assurance from the IT department, I am yet to receive a high configuration laptop. In fact, I am using my own laptop to work with the Primavera Software and I am worried about losing project data if some technical problems occur. I hope that I have not raised any irrational complaints and really need your help to work efficiently. Yours faithfully, Milad Rahimi
Dear Mr Anderson,

I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as a part-time cost-benefit analyst.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
far I have been enjoying my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues have raised that need your interference to resolve. I am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even more
efficiently
by solving them.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
on 20th September as a part-timer and gaining experience and supporting my university tuition were my reasons to take a job. My job contract was to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for three days a week. Recently our team lead has instructed me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
four days per week which will contradict my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
schedule.

Besides
, the computer I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is not suitable to do my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Despite assurance from the IT department, I am
yet
to receive a high configuration laptop. In fact, I am using my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
laptop to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the Primavera
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Software and
I
am worried
about losing project data if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technical problems occur.

I hope that I have not raised any irrational complaints and
really
need your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Milad
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rahimi
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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