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You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v.1

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 1
Dear Mr Chen, I am Rona Lyn Olivar, one of the part-time receptionists at your Sea View Hotel. I have been working here since July and I have taken the job to gain some experience that I thought would be helpful for my future career. I am writing to draw your attention to a few issues I have encountered in the hotel. I am hoping that you would take steps to solve these. I have noticed that some of the duty staffs at night shift sleep inside the hotel's quarter instead of being at the reception area. Literally, I and Lindsay- who is also a new employee, work and manage everything at night. They even do not bother to come to the reception area at busy hours when we have an influx of guests - usually on Friday nights. I believe this is against the rules. Moreover, breakfast is supposed to be ready before 7: 00 am but it is not the case. Sometimes the guests have to wait till 8: 00 am for breakfast to arrive. Some of the guests have lodged complained regarding this. I thought you should be notified about these irregularities. Duty officers at night shift should be reprimanded and warned so that they execute their duties. Besides, look at the recent complaints regarding the delay in breakfast serving and talk to the head chef. I look forward to your response regarding this matter. Yours sincerely, Rona Olivar
Dear Mr Chen,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rona
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lyn
Possible spelling mistake found.
Olivar
, one of the part-time receptionists at your Sea View Hotel. I have been working here since July and I have taken the job to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
would be helpful for my future career.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am writing to draw your attention to a few issues I have encountered in the hotel.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping that you would take steps to solve these.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have noticed that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
duty staffs at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
shift sleep inside the hotel's quarter
instead
of being at the reception area.
Literally
, I and Lindsay- who is
also
a new employee, work and manage everything at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. They even do not bother to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the reception area at busy hours when we have an influx of guests
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
usually
on Friday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
. I believe this is against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

Moreover
, breakfast
is supposed
to be ready
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
7: 00 am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the case.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the guests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait till 8: 00 am for breakfast to arrive.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
guests have lodged complained regarding this.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
you should
be notified
about these irregularities. Duty officers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
shift should
be reprimanded
and warned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they execute their duties.
Besides
, look at the recent complaints regarding the delay in breakfast serving and talk to the head chef.

I look forward to your response regarding this matter.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Rona
Possible spelling mistake found.
Olivar
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS letter You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
241 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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