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You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v.5

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 5
Dear Mr Johnson, I am writing to you regarding a few issues related to the job I have taken in your company. I decided to take the job in order to gain some practical experience as a law student but I am afraid some problems deter me to work properly, which is affecting me personally. I understand the job requires me to fill in a minimum of 3 affidavits each day in accordance with the files given by our solicitors. The problem is that the solicitors cannot hand in the files on time. I was told that I should get the files before 10 each morning, but in reality, I never have them before lunch, that is, 1. 00 pm. As a consequence, I have to stay up until 10. 00 pm almost every day to finish my daily work. Since in theory, our solicitors are supposed to complete their files the day before, I am wondering if it is possible for you to ask them to hand in the files a little bit earlier. I live far away from our firm and have classes from 6. 30 in the morning, so working up to 10. 00 pm is troublesome for me. I hope you would understand the issue and take steps to solve it. Once again, thank you for your attention. Yours sincerely, Vanessa Quan
Dear Mr Johnson,

I am writing to you regarding a few issues related to the job I have taken in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I decided to take the job in order to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical experience as a law student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am afraid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems deter me to work
properly
, which is affecting me
personally
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
understand the job requires me to fill in a minimum of 3 affidavits each day in accordance with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
files
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by our solicitors. The problem is that the solicitors cannot hand in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
files
on time. I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that I should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
files
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
10 each morning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality, I never have them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
lunch,
that is
, 1. 00 pm. As a consequence, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay up until 10. 00 pm almost every day to finish my daily work.

Since in theory, our solicitors
are supposed
to complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
files
the day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, I am wondering if it is possible for you to ask them to hand in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
files
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
earlier. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from our firm and have classes from 6. 30 in the morning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
working up to 10. 00 pm is troublesome for me.

I hope you would understand the issue and take steps to solve it.

Once again, thank you for your attention.

Yours
sincerely
,

Vanessa
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quan
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS letter You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. v. 5

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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