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You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v.3

You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, Five days ago I ordered a headphone from your online store. I was excited when it arrived yesterday but very frustrated to find that the product was damaged. I am not sure if it got damaged during the shipment or was it a manufacturing flaw. In either case, I am hoping you will replace it with a fresh one. In relation to the specifics of the order, I purchased this 'Sony MDR-V6 Over the Ear Headphones - Black' through your website called Computer Gadgets on August 18th using my PayPal account. The order number is 5487214 and I am attaching a copy of my receipt. The issue with the headphone is that one swivel air cup was missing, and the play/pause button does not work. I am unable to use it. I’m sure this is either a manufacturing flaw or the product got damaged while shipment. As a solution, and because I really like the model and functionality of this headphone, I am hoping that you will agree to send me another one for free. Otherwise, I would like a full refund and I will be contacting PayPal complaints if I do not hear back from you in regards to this within a week. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply soon. Yours faithfully, Jenny Sahara
Dear Sir or Madam,

Five days ago I ordered a headphone from your online store. I
was excited
when it arrived yesterday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frustrated to find that the product
was damaged
. I am not sure if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaged during the shipment or was it a manufacturing flaw. In either case, I am hoping you will replace it with a fresh one.

In relation to the specifics of the order, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
this 'Sony MDR-V6 Over the Ear Headphones
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Black' through your website called Computer Gadgets on August 18th using my PayPal account. The order number is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
5487214 and
I am attaching a copy of my receipt.

The issue with the headphone is that one swivel air cup was missing, and the play/pause button does not work. I am unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. I’m sure this is either a manufacturing flaw or the product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaged while shipment.

As a solution, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
really
like the model and functionality of this headphone, I am hoping that you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me another one for free.
Otherwise
, I would like a full refund and I will be contacting PayPal complaints if I do not hear back from you
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
this within a week.

Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Jenny Sahara
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS letter You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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