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You are looking for a full-time job, and recently you saw a job opening in an advertisement. v.2

You are looking for a full-time job, and recently you saw a job opening in an advertisement. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter regarding the job opening that you have advertised in a newspaper last week. I would like to apply for the post and I am hoping you would consider me a deserving candidate for the job and let me discuss my suitability for the post in a formal interview. I am looking forward to getting a job that would enable me to work on and manage software projects that are developed in Java and Oracle database. I want to work as a project manager and expect opportunities for my career growth. I have completed my graduation in Computer Science and Engineering. Besides, I have 5 years’ experience in the software development field and my expertise is in Java programming. Moreover, I have in-depth knowledge of Oracle Database system. The reason to apply for this job is that I want to work with a software development company that has clients from various parts of the world and offers a great working environment, remuneration and carer growth opportunity. The job responsibilities perfectly suit my experience and skills. I have attached my curriculum vitae with this letter for your kind consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours  faithfully, Namrata Roy
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opening that you have advertised in a newspaper last week. I would like to apply for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
post and
I am hoping you would consider me a deserving candidate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me discuss my suitability for the post in a formal interview.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am looking forward to getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that would enable me to work on and manage software projects that
are developed
in Java and Oracle database.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
want to work as a project manager and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
opportunities for my career growth.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have completed my graduation in Computer Science and Engineering.
Besides
, I have 5 years’ experience in the software development field and my expertise is in Java programming.
Moreover
, I have in-depth knowledge of Oracle Database system.

The reason to apply for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is that I want to work with a software development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that has clients from various parts of the world and offers a great working environment, remuneration and carer growth opportunity. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibilities
perfectly
suit my experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

I have attached my curriculum vitae with this letter for your kind consideration.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Namrata
Roy
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS letter You are looking for a full-time job, and recently you saw a job opening in an advertisement. v. 2

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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