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You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v.2

You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am James Smith, a resident of Aurora, Illinois, have recently ordered a smartphone - Samsung Galaxy Note Edge, from your online shop. Unfortunately, when I unwrapped the phone, I found that the phone screen was broken and the stylus was missing. I am writing to notify you of the problem and to replace my product with a fresh one. I placed the order on 15th May 2019 from my home and my invoice number is SAI-25478ASNE. I used my VISA credit card to pay for the order. I was looking forward to receiving the phone and start using it but when the phone finally arrived two days later, it was not in the condition it should have been. The main screen was smashed, and I could not find the stylus in the box. This is quite unexpected and as a regular customer, I am disappointed with your service. Please inform me how can I replace the phone, as the warranty covers it, and get a fresh one as early as possible? Should I visit one of your retail shops? Thanks in advance for your cooperation and I would like you to take the necessary measure so that it does not repeat in the future. Yours faithfully, James Smith
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am James Smith, a resident of Aurora, Illinois, have recently ordered a smartphone
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Samsung Galaxy Note Edge, from your online shop. Unfortunately, when I unwrapped the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, I found that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
screen
was broken
and the stylus was missing. I am writing to notify you of the problem and to replace my product with a fresh one.

I placed the order on 15th May 2019 from my home and my invoice number is SAI-25478ASNE.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
my VISA credit card to pay for the order.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
was looking forward to receiving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
finally
arrived two days later, it was not in the condition it should have been. The main screen
was smashed
, and I could not find the stylus in the box. This is quite unexpected and as a regular customer, I
am disappointed
with your service.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
inform me how can I replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, as the warranty covers it, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a fresh one as early as possible? Should I visit one of your retail shops?

Thanks in advance for your cooperation and I would like you to take the necessary measure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it does not repeat in the future.

Yours
faithfully
,

James Smith
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS letter You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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