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You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v.4

You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v. 4

Dear Sir or Madam, I am James Smith, a resident of Aurora, Illinois, have recently ordered a smartphone - Samsung Galaxy Note Edge, from your online shop. Unfortunately, when I unwrapped the phone, I found that the phone screen was broken and the stylus was missing. I am writing to notify you of the problem and to replace my product with a fresh one. I placed the order on 15th May 2019 from my home and my invoice number is SAI-25478ASNE. I used my VISA credit card to pay for the order. I was looking forward to receiving the phone and start using it but when the phone finally arrived two days later, it was not in the condition it should have been. The main screen was smashed, and I could not find the stylus in the box. This is quite unexpected and as a regular customer, I am disappointed with your service. Please inform me how can I replace the phone, as the warranty covers it, and get a fresh one as early as possible? Should I visit one of your retail shops? Thanks in advance for your cooperation and I would like you to take the necessary measure so that it does not repeat in the future. Yours faithfully, James Smith

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am James Smith, a resident of Aurora, Illinois, have recently ordered a smartphone Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.—
-
 Samsung Galaxy Note Edge, from your online shop. Unfortunately, when I unwrapped the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdialcontactcall up
phone
, I found that the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdialcontactcall up
phone
 screen was broken
 and the stylus was missing. I am writing to notify you of the problem and to replace my product with a fresh one.

I placed the order on 15th May 2019 from my home and my invoice number is SAI-25478ASNE. Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exploited
used
 my VISA credit card to pay for the order. Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
 was looking forward to receiving the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdialcontactcall up
phone
 and This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiate
start
 using it This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 when the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdialcontactcall up
phone
finally
 arrived two days later, it was not in the condition it should have been. The main screen was smashed
, and I could not find the stylus in the box. This is quite unexpected and as a regular customer, I am disappointed
 with your service.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :satisfy
Please
 inform me how can I replace the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdialcontactcall up
phone
, as the warranty covers it, and This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 a fresh one as early as possible? Should I visit one of your retail shops?

Thanks in advance for your cooperation and I would like you to take the necessary measure This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
so
 that it does not repeat in the future.

Yours faithfully
,

James Smith

1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You recently ordered a small item online but when it arrived, it was damaged. v. 4

Letter

American English

7 paragraphs

212 words

6.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
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Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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