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You have recently got involved in a car accident and there was damage to both your car and your health. Fortunately you have both car premium insurance as well as health insurance. Write a letter to the insurance manager: Explaining your membership details v.2

You have recently got involved in a car accident and there was damage to both your car and your health. Fortunately you have both car premium insurance as well as health insurance. Write a letter to the insurance manager: Explaining your membership details v. 2
Dear Sir, My name is Alex Ferguson and I am a premium health insurance member of your company, Delta Insurance. In addition to this, my vehicle also has full coverage insurance with Insurance no. 249999. I am writing to you to claim monetary benefits due to a recent accident that happened while I was driving my car. Last week, on a foggy Monday, I was driving to downtown London on the 20th August, 2018, when suddenly a truck started to skid on the icy road. In order to avoid crashing into the truck, I pushed my car brake down hard, however, due to the momentum of the car, it continued on for a couple of seconds, hitting the car at more than 20 kilometers per hour. There was a deafening noise and the airbag went off. My hand hit the side window and the bone on my right shoulder got dislocated. I was hospitalized after an ambulance rushed me to the hospital. The police filed a full report of the accident, which is inserted inside the envelope with this letter. They reviewed CCTV footage from the area and concluded that I was not at fault for the incident. Hence, as per with your rules and regulations, I am expecting full coverage of my vehicle repair and my own medical fees, the bills of which are attached in an e-mail to you. Since I have a premium membership, hence I am expecting you to provide me the promised service once the incident is investigated from your company. With Regards.
Dear Sir,

My name is Alex
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Ferguson and
I am a premium health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
member of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, Delta
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Insurance
.
In addition
to this, my vehicle
also
has full coverage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Insurance
no. 249999. I am writing to you to claim monetary benefits due to a recent accident that happened while I was driving my car.

Last week, on a foggy Monday, I was driving to downtown London on the 20th
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "August 2018".
August, 2018
, when
suddenly
a truck
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to skid on the icy road. In order to avoid crashing into the truck, I pushed my car brake down
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
however
, due to the momentum of the car, it continued on for a couple of seconds, hitting the car at more than 20 kilometers per hour. There was a deafening noise and the airbag went off. My hand hit the side window and the bone on my right shoulder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
dislocated. I
was hospitalized
after an ambulance rushed me to the hospital.

The police filed a full report of the accident, which
is inserted
inside the envelope with this letter. They reviewed CCTV footage from the area and concluded that I was not at fault for the incident.
Hence
, as per with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations, I am expecting full coverage of my vehicle repair and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
medical fees, the bills of which
are attached
in an e-mail to you. Since I have a premium membership,
hence
I am expecting you to provide me the promised service once the incident
is investigated
from your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

With Regards.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS letter You have recently got involved in a car accident and there was damage to both your car and your health. Fortunately you have both car premium insurance as well as health insurance. Write a letter to the insurance manager: Explaining your membership details v. 2

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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