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You have recently bought a toy over the internet. When it was delivered you have found some problems with it. Write a letter to the toy company manager and say - Give details of the purchase. - Describe the problem. - What do you expect the company to do v.1

You have recently bought a toy over the internet. When it was delivered you have found some problems with it. Write a letter to the toy company manager and say - Give details of the purchase. - Describe the problem. - What do you expect the company to do v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, Hello. This is Darby Shin who bought a robot toy for my boy from you on 13th of May, 2018. I am writing this letter to let you know I have received it with some problems. Firstly, my son was really happy when he got it at first but when he found that there were some problems, he was crying and depressed all day. It made me feel really bad. The problems are the robot’s arm and scratches. One of the arms of the robot was defective. It cannot lift it properly but the other one is fine. Also, there are some scratches on the head part. I think when it had been delivering, it might be damaged at that time. If it is the right product, I do not think it is worth $99. If you agree it has problems, I would like to get the new product if I can get it in a week. Otherwise, I would like to get my money back in full. Also, if you want to get the product which has problems back, you can send me one of your staff to pick it up or I can send it to you if you pay shipping cost. I was quite disappointed even though I paid that much money. I want to hear your response as soon as possible. Sincerely yours, Darby Shin.
Dear Sir or Madam,

Hello. This is Darby Shin who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a robot toy for my boy from you on 13th of
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "May 2018".
May, 2018
. I am writing this letter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you know I have received it with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.

Firstly
, my son was
really
happy when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
it at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when he found that there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, he was crying and depressed all day. It made me feel
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are the robot’s arm and scratches. One of the arms of the robot was defective. It cannot lift it
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the other one is fine.
Also
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scratches on the head part. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
when it had been delivering, it might
be damaged
at that time.

If it is the right product, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is worth $99. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the new product if I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it in a week.
Otherwise
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my money back in full.
Also
, if you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the product which has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
back, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me one of your staff to pick it up or I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
it to you if you pay shipping cost.

I was quite disappointed
even though
I paid that much money. I want to hear your response as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

Sincerely
yours,

Darby Shin.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS letter You have recently bought a toy over the internet. When it was delivered you have found some problems with it. Write a letter to the toy company manager and say - Give details of the purchase. - Describe the problem. - What do you expect the company to do v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
233 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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